


Only A Kiss

by LadyAuroraPendragon



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, I'm not sure yet, Infidelity, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Secret Relationship, other stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-12 09:33:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5661505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAuroraPendragon/pseuds/LadyAuroraPendragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Guinevere's marriage is on the rocks, and maybe Merlin isn't very interested in helping them reconcile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (This ff started off as a way to showcase why Merlin and Arthur seemed so much closer in season 5, as a lot of my canon stories start off with me focusing on that, but then I divert quickly. Well, then it quickly changed to what if Arthur found out Merlin and Gwen had kissed in the first season? And then this happened...so, I hope you like it, and obviously I don't own anything.)

_it was just a kiss, it was only a kiss..._

"What the hell do you mean you've kissed before?" Arthur yelled, Merlin could hear him, as he entered the King's chambers. Merlin had no idea what he and The Queen were talking about, and to be perfectly honest, he didn't really care, he just wanted to get his work done and some food in his stomach. He did note, however, the angry glance Arthur was shooting his way, and again, he had no idea why. He wasn't even late with their food this evening. As he was most of the time, though he denied he ever was. Only really, to annoy Arthur, but he was trying then, right now he wasn't, and he didn't appreciate the look. "You kissed my wife?!"

Merlin didn't appreciate the false accusation either, especially of something so stupid, that Merlin literally had to fight off a laugh from hearing. Guinevere, however, did not, and giggled openly at the question. "He probably doesn't even remember, Arthur," she explained. "He was ill."

Arthur just looked more and more disgusted, glaring at Merlin like something truly ugly was on his face. "That makes it even worse..."

"I thought he had died...do you remember, Merlin?" The Queen gave him a pleased smile, like she enjoyed enraging her husband. And maybe she did, Merlin wasn't going to judge, as it could be fun from time to time. "You had drunk a poison because Arthur was being thick about it and nearly died?"

Merlin did remember, but it wasn't Arthur who was being (that) thick about it, more Uther, though smartly, Guinevere decided not to mention that particular part. She was obviously queen for a reason. Well...serval reasons, probably. "I remember."

"So, you admit it?" Arthur sounded again, advancing toward Merlin like he might do something. Something like punch Merlin in the face. "You kissed my wife!"

"Actually...your wife kissed me, I didn't even kiss back," Merlin commented, because it was the truth. Merlin hadn't even thought of kissing Gwen before, and although nice as it was, it wasn't something he ever thought about ever again. It sort of just happened and then they both forgot about it, at least Merlin had anyway.

"That's treason!" Arthur yelled, going red in the face, looking between Merlin and his wife like he just didn't know what to do with them, like this was really that important to him. Merlin rolled his eyes. "I could have you banished for this...hung by your-"

"It was long before you, Arthur," Gwen stopped him before he continued like an ass, as per usual with him. Merlin was used to it. "There is no reason to banish Merlin, or reason to be angry...unless you're jealous."

"Why the hell would I be jealous of Merlin?" Arthur roared, face gone almost burgundy with rage. "You're _my_ wife!"

"I meant of me," the smile that curled onto The Queens lips was that of the pure devil. Her smile only grew as Arthur's confusion set in more. Merlin took a step back, about to set the table for their dinner. "Perhaps you should kiss Merlin...make the field even."

"I don't want to..." Arthur had gone quiet, his voice was much softer now, and Merlin could feel Arthur side-eying him as he placed down the utensils one by one. Gwen laughed, seemingly having already decided otherwise.

"You make such a big deal out of a little kiss between friends, why is that?" she asked. "We're all adults here, or at least two of us are..."

"Just because I refuse to ruin our marriage with lies and infidelity..."

That was the wrong thing to say, judging my Gwen's short laugh. Merlin kept his head down, setting the plates, and then setting them again to make sure they were just right. Not that he cared any other day, but today it just seemed...rather important. His eyes ached to look at at the couple, but he denied them.

"I see..." Guinevere said. "And I also see you are a giant baby, whom cannot deal with the fact that your wife kissed your servant nearly a decade ago," she paused, in the meantime Arthur tried to speak, but she silenced him. "I see that The King is so immature he thinks a small kiss between friends is infidelity. Well, I do not..."

"Guinevere, how can you think-"

"Kiss Merlin," she prompted. "Level the playing field, Arthur, we should have nothing to hide after."

"I refuse!" Arthur argued, standing his ground. "This is ridiculous!"

"Ridicules or not, Arthur, you started this and if you wish for it to end...you know what you need to do."

"I refuse to kiss my servant!"

"I was a servant once, you kissed me," Gwen countered. Merlin hated to admit it, because he clearly wasn't getting a say in this, but she made a good point. "You married me, why is Merlin any different?"

"You know perfectly well, Guinevere!"

"Because he is a man?"

"...I would call him a boy more like..."

"Merlin is perfectly lovely, and a wonderful kisser at that." Merlin dropped the wine cup at that, and had to catch it before it landed on the ground and smashed. "Really, I wasn't displeased."

"Guinevere...please, just stop this," Arthur begged. "I'm not kissing anyone. I am the king, you cannot-"

At this point, Merlin was done placing the food and he _really_ wanted to leave, like yesterday. And be on his way to Ealdor. He tip-toed from the table, over to the door, and he was almost out but then...

"Merlin!" Gwen called after him. "Don't you dare leave this room, come here..." Merlin frowned, walking over, slowly, to her. "Arthur, kiss him!"

"Guinevere!"

"Do it," she smiled, and stepped back. "It will make us all equals."

Somehow, Merlin doubted that, and it seemed so did Arthur. But even so, the king stepped closer, and almost like on impulse, Merlin stepped back. "I just really don't think this is necessary," Arthur said, obviously noting Merlin's hesitation. "I can't be seen kissing... _him."_

"We're alone in the room," Gwen grinned. And this made Arthur frown, even more so than Merlin.

"I cannot let this get out..."

"I won't say a word..."

Arthur gulped, Merlin could see his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down. Merlin took a breath, waiting, how did he always get into these messes just by walking into a room at the wrong time? Arthur stepped closer, Gwen eagerly watched on, Merlin noted all of this, all of these things; Gwen's smile, Arthur's movements, right up until The King's lips harshly planted onto his. Some people talked of sparks upon kissing someone, lightening, fire bursting inside of them, Merlin had never experienced any of that. Not until this moment. It felt like every bit of him was on fire, but not in a bad way, in...just the right way, in a way that Merlin just knew he would crave later. And that wasn't even the tiniest bit okay. He could tell Arthur felt it, too, because the king gasped, maybe loud enough for his wife to hear, or maybe just between them, Merlin couldn't tell, everything was frozen around him.

Arthur pulled away, a clear mask playing on his face, he turned to his wife, the glare very much real though. "There."

Merlin stood rooted, still frozen, relishing in the last of whatever had come over him, a spell...it felt like a spell. Though, he knew it wasn't. He didn't want to think of what it was, however, that would lead to trouble. Trouble that he couldn't afford to be in. Gwen seemed pleased, and didn't seem to notice how Merlin was completely stuck there, he might never be able to move again. Or breathe again, his lungs felt like they were on fire. His skin tingled. He forced himself to move, to think...to deny everything he had just felt because The Queen wanted to prove a point. He shook his head, _damn it._

Guinevere sat to eat, her back was to Merlin, and Arthur somehow managed to get himself to the head of the table, where he sat and his eyes traveled to Merlin, staring at him. No one said a word, Merlin didn't know why, maybe embarrassment, maybe Gwen figured out this was a mistake? But it was too late now, she had done this...it was her fault. Merlin knew he shouldn't blame her, he didn't even know if he was overreacting right now, but the shock in Arthur's eyes told him he wasn't. The way Arthur had not taken a bite and licked his lips again and again...Merlin wasn't wrong.

But it was only a kiss, one small, tiny kiss, between friends, like Gwen had said. What could possibly happen?

 

_It was only a kiss. How could it end up like this?_


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin had heard shouting, and if Merlin's years in Camelot had taught him anything at all, it taught him shouting was not good. Go figure. Instead of entering the throne room, where the yelling was coming from, Merlin stopped just short of the door, listening to see just who it was. And just as his suspicions had predicted, it was The King and Queen, this was the fifth or sixth time, in just a fortnight, that Merlin had heard them arguing. Once, even, this morning, when Merlin was delivering breakfast, though they quickly hushed when Merlin entered. This time, however, Merlin could listen in, and see what this was all about. Merlin _was_ a bit of a snoop, at times, after all. It came in very handy when needed.

"I didn't ask to be queen, Arthur," Gwen was saying. "I am doing my best."

"And I didn't ask to be king," Arthur retorted, sounding irritated. Merlin could just picture The Kings face in his mind; eyes narrowed and a sneer on his lips. He looked at Merlin like that all the time. "It seems to me, you had much more of a choice than I did..."

"You asked me to be queen!" she argued, voice going high, like she was really insulted Arthur had just said that.

"I _asked you_ to be my wife. You didn't have to say yes-"

"Perhaps I should not have?"

"...Is that how you feel?"

"If you are going to criticize me, then yes!"

"You can leave any moment you wish," Arthur argued back, Merlin bit his lip, trying to stay quiet, but Arthur sounded so hurt. "...if somehow this is not living up to your fantasies. However, this is the real world, Guinevere, I'm trying to protect you from it's cruelties."

"What do you know of the real world?" Gwen fought back, voice rich with anger and, perhaps, bitterness. "You...who hide behind a title? I was a commoner, like those who you try to protect me from. You speak of hardships, you know nothing of, you sit in your warm chambers while your people starve and freeze to death each night!"

The was a silence, an all telling silence, that this argument had gone too far, and this time, it was The Queen who had gone over the line. "...it wasn't the people of Camelot I wanted to protect you from," Arthur finally spoke, quiet, so quiet, in fact, Merlin could only just make out his words. "I will not make the same mistake twice..."

There were footsteps and Merlin took a few steps back, before the throne room door burst open and there was Arthur, angrily stomping. Merlin couldn't hide himself quite well enough from Arthur's view, behind the door, and Arthur stopped, turning to look at him in the corridor. Their eyes met, and Merlin could see the hurt in them, just as he had feared, but also the anger. He got ready to be told off, this would not be pretty, Arthur was already emotional enough, Merlin winced in anticipation but Arthur only rolled his eyes and continued walking.

Merlin stood rooted there, not sure if he should go after Arthur or not, that would probably only anger him more, and he didn't need that right now. He just needed time to calm down. Arthur disappeared down the hall, and Merlin sighed, he could hear soft, quiet cries coming from the throne room, and he didn't bother going to see Gwen either. To be perfectly honest, he hadn't even wanted to, even if she was his friend. He wasn't trying to play favorites, or anything like that, but if he was...there wasn't really a contest, Arthur won, and would always win. Beyond all that, Gwen had said some very hurtful things, and right now, Merlin just didn't think she deserved comforting.

In the end, Merlin's heart lied with Arthur, he had known it the very moment they had kissed a few months ago, and there was very, very little, if nothing at all, that could keep Merlin away. And somehow, through no fault of his own, he wound up following Arthur. He found him in the armory, sitting on a bench and ringing his fingers together. Arthur knew it was him before Merlin could even announce himself in anyway. Arthur just knew Merlin's behaviors too well these days.

"You agree with her, don't you?" Arthur asked, softly. His cheeks were pink, like he might have been crying, but Merlin didn't want to believe that was true. He was taken aback by the question. He quickly shook his head. Arthur...he was special, in a very _pratty_ way. He pretends he has all this confidence, and he does, on the battle field, he was a great fighter, but personally, Arthur was very self conscious, he doesn't believe in himself like he should. Merlin would never forsake that, like Guinevere had today. But perhaps she didn't know this Arthur. Maybe only Merlin did."You think...I don't deserve to be king?"

"Never," Merlin answered, lips turning up, into a small smile. "No one deserves to be king more than you."

"Why? When I let my people starve and freeze to death?" Arthur countered, not looking up at Merlin once, even when he sat down next to him, on the bench. "I haven't done anything to deserve it..."

"You can't fix everything, you're not a miracle worker, no king is..."

"Then how does that make me different than any other king?"

"It doesn't," Merlin shrugged, he couldn't explain why, (even though he knew the answer,) but Arthur was just special. "Maybe I just believe in you more than anyone else believes in their king?"

Arthur looked up, and over at Merlin, their eyes met for a second time that afternoon. Arthur's features began to brighten a little bit. "...then, you're an idiot." Merlin couldn't help but laugh at that, and Arthur did, too. It was a short, burst of laughter, but it was something in the right direction.

"I definitely am," Merlin agreed.

"At least you've finally admitted it."

"Oh, I never denied it, I just liked to keep you guessing."

"Is that your excuse now?" Arthur's grin was big, and genuine. Merlin's plan then, had worked perfectly. "Is that why sometimes you sound unusually wise and other times you trip over your own feet?"

"I have big feet...?"

Arthur laughed. "Never mind, I just got my answer..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Thanks, guys, for the comments and such, I honestly didn't think this would get any hits, I'm not sure how much Merlin stuff really get's around anymore. It's been a long time since I wrote and all that. Anyway, I know this is short, it just barely got over 1k words, but I figured shorter chapters means more chapters more often, This took me like 20 minutes to write, so I mean...I can update this all the time. Let me know what you think!)


	3. Chapter 3

"Why do you look like you have just smelled a rotten fish?" Gaius asked, as Merlin sat at the table, thinking, and not eating Gaius' questionable stew. Merlin looked up and the man was raising an eyebrow at him. "Is it the food?"

"No, I was thinking about Arthur..."

"What is it now?" Gaius frowned, setting down his fork. "Can we not have a quiet week once in awhile?"

"Everything is fine," Merlin said, not sure if he should mention the couples arguing. "It's just that...Arthur and Gwen have been at each other's throats lately."

"And this concerns you, why?"

"Well...it concerns me, because they never argued like this before," Merlin sighed, wondering if he shouldn't have mentioned it. What, with the look Gaius was giving him now. "I just don't know-"

"They were never as close as they are now, either," Gaius interrupted. "They are learning each other, believe it or not, it is perfectly normal for couples to argue."

"It's normal?"

"Perfectly so, believe it or not, Merlin...relationships are harder than they look, love is a very tricky thing."

"...I know, but-"

"Eat your stew, Merlin, stop worrying so much."

So, these fights were normal? Merlin could see how fighting with Arthur could be a very easy thing to do. He's emotionally inept most of the time. Though, that wasn't his fault, it was Uther's. Merlin relaxed a little bit though. He didn't think they would be looking for a new queen any time soon anyway. The next morning Merlin walked in to find the two cuddling in bed, which was a pleasant, yet painful sight to see. Now that these arguing thoughts were clear from Merlin's head, the overwhelming feelings he was quickly developing for his royal kingly-ness were back in his mind, tenfold. He wanted to be wrapped up in Arthur's arms on a cold morning like that, Merlin got cold very easily. Arthur looked so warm...

But this was _not_ okay, he couldn't think these things. He slapped the tray down on the table, not trying to be quiet at all now, because now he was angry. Maybe not at them, but at himself, and yes...maybe Gwen a little bit, too. He could have continued being blissfully ignorant, but no...they had to kiss, and now Merlin's life was ruined.

"Merlin...?" Arthur's sleepy, raspy voice filled the room, and Merlin looked back to give him a dirty look he was too tired to notice. "Shh...you'll wake her."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "wouldn't dream of it..."

He headed for the door, as Arthur gathered himself and got out of bed. He really wanted to leave, Arthur could eat alone for all he cared. Or wake up his _precious_ wife. Merlin sighed, the little green monster his mum warned him about, was eating away at his chest. "Where do you think you're going?"

Merlin stopped, knowing that tone. "To do my chores," he didn't turn around right away.

"I really don't think so, as most of them are in here..." Merlin turned around to see Arthur at the table, eagerly looking down at his plate of food. "Sit."

Merlin looked confused for a long moment, eyeing Arthur, whom shoved a piece of bread in his mouth and pointed to the chair to his left. Merlin walked over and sat. "What do you think of a long ride in the forest?"

"I think it's a nightmare for your backside-"

"Shut up!" Arthur retorted, but the hint of a smile was there. "Do you think it's romantic?"

"A sore backside is not very romantic, no..."

"Merlin..."

"...I mean, it depends on _what_ you were doing to get it sore-"

"Merlin!"

Merlin laughed, having let that one slip, just a little bit. "I suppose you want me to say yes?"

"I would appreciate it," Arthur countered. "I want to apologize to Guinevere for how I acted yesterday."

"Why?" Merlin asked, the entertainment in this conersation over, very suddenly. "Did she apologize for what she said?"

"Not exactly..." Arthur frowned. "She doesn't think she was wrong..."

"She was."

"I would rather keep the peace, if I'm perfectly honest," Arthur leaned forward, and harshly whispered these words toward Merlin. "I'm tired of sleeping on the floor."

"Sleeping on the floor?" Merlin asked, loudly. And he didn't care if he was loud or not, though...Arthur seemed to."Is that why you've been up the last few days I've come in?"

"Yes..."

"You're the king, she makes you sleep on the floor?"

"You'll be surprised what she makes me do...and not do," Arthur whispered again, looking a bit forlorn. "Forget that, I want to make it up to her."

"You shouldn't have to...she hurt your feelings," Merlin pouted. He doubted he would ever get married, but now he definitely didn't want to. Arthur glared at him.

"I'm not a teenage girl, Merlin, I can look passed that!"

"She made you cry!"

"Merlin, one more word, and I swear I will-"

"Cry?" he smirked. Arthur glared and threw his fork at him. "Mean..."

"You have no idea how mean I can be!" Arthur pointed a finger at him. "If you are not going to be helpful, then you can get out of my chambers."

"Sorry..." Merlin trailed off, not really sorry at all, and he could tell Arthur knew that. "A horse ride will be lovely, prat..."

"Thank you, idiot!"

"Bigger idiot..."

"Shut up, stupid-"

"Now, now, boys...no arguing at the table," they heard Gwen say suddenly, and she was awake, coming over to the table and kissed Arthur good morning. Merlin wanted to puke. "It looks too good, wouldn't you rather enjoy it together?"

"I would rather enjoy hitting him..." Arthur muttered, looking sourly at Merlin.

"I would enjoy doing my chores, but Arthur's bothering me!" Merlin pouted. Gwen laughed at the both of them.

"Arthur, stop bothering your manservant and let him do his job!"

Merlin was excused not long after that. The two had began flirting and completely ignored his presence, so more than excused, he just left. He didn't know what was worse; them arguing, or getting along, or the fact that Merlin would rather them argue than get along. It was much less sickening to watch. And maybe that just made Merlin a bad person, but he had never claimed to be a good one. Was it so bad that he just liked having Arthur to himself?

Probably, yes. And now, he just knew he was going to be forced to go on that ride through the forest with them. _Why_ was he cursed with this life?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I know I just posted for this yesterday, but I had it and I figured, why not, right? I'm planning on writing two more chapters, or at least one and a half, tonight after I post this, tho...I can't promise I'll post more tomorrow, we will see tho. :))


	4. Chapter 4

As Merlin feared, he was forced to go on this horse ride through the forest, which really...was _so_ fun for him, honestly! Sitting behind them and only being addressed when one of them needed something. For someone like Gwen, who was passionately preaching about how she used to be a servant, she didn't seem to care even the tiniest bit about him. Even made Merlin walk back all the way to the horses to get a blanket, so she didn't 'get her dress dirty,' and it was no easy walk, they had spent the last half hour reaching that point. Maybe this was just Merlin's bitterness talking, but he couldn't help giving the back of Gwen's head very dirty looks. She didn't notice, and neither did Arthur.

"What was that noise?" Arthur asked, apparently tired of staring at his wife's face. Gwen shrugged. Arthur sat up and looked around.

"I didn't hear anything," The Queen answered, not looking nearly as concerned as Arthur was. "It was probably just an animal."

"You're right..." Arthur nodded, taking a deep breath, and sat back down. Gazing at Guinevere once more, like he was a lovesick puppy. Merlin turned away again, staring off into the woods. Only then, as Merlin ignored the sounds of the couple kissing behind him, he heard something, too. Something that didn't sound like an animal at all. He stood up, heading toward the sound, to see if it was in fact an animal, and really...those two wouldn't miss him.

Walking down the hill, the noises had all but stopped, only a crack was heard here or there, and most of them were made by Merlin. He was just about to turn around when he heard something behind him and stopped, eyes peering to the sides, but the thing...person, was right behind him. He whipped around and there stood a giant, large man, with a club and a dirty white shirt on. Really, the tunic was disgusting, Merlin couldn't help but stare at it. And also, the _club_...

"Hello..." Merlin's voice cut out, at some point, as the man rose the club up higher. "No need to get angry, big fellow, I was just passing through, I was looking for the lake."

"There is no lake here," man said, roughly, eyes staring down at Merlin, he hadn't blinked once.

"There isn't?" Merlin asked, though, he knew the answer. He took a few steps back. "Hm...that's odd, well, I guess I better be..."

He ran for it, he was a lot thinner, and more limber, he could definitely out run this man. Though, it wasn't just this man anymore, it was now a whole group of large, hairy, dirty shirt men following him. _Dammit!_ There was no out running them, there was jus too many of them, and too many trees. Merlin steadied himself and turned around, putting on his best brute face. He lifted his hand.

"I wouldn't come any closer!" he yelled out, at the crowd of angry, ugly men running toward him. "You really shouldn't..."

But of course they did, so Merlin rose his hand up in the air, calling upon his secret gift and one of the giant men went down. And then, another. They seemed to figure out something was amiss here, because one of them let out a very aggressive scream and threw his club at Merlin. He missed, but he so busy with this, Merlin hadn't noticed one of these men coming up from behind and _KONK_...suddenly everything went dark.

"...Merlin...Merlin..."

Someone was shaking him, and Merlin's head hurt far too much to take the noise, or the sun light, either. "Leave me alone..."

"MERLIN!" Arthur yelled, shaking him again. Merlin batted open his eyes and glared up at Arthur. He looked worried for some reason...oh right, Merlin had nearly been killed, _again_. "What the hell were you doing? You had us worried sick."

"I doubt it," Merlin countered, pushing Arthur's hands off him, and shakenly stood up. The world was spinning around him a little bit, but he was otherwise fine. "You were too busy _kissing_ to notice I was gone."

"You should have stayed there, those were your orders!" Arthur yelled at him, eyes traveling over his body, probably making sure he was alright. Merlin did his best to ignore that.

"I don't always have to listen to you..."

"I am the-"

"Arthur!" The Queen interrupted, and Arthur turned back to see what she wanted. Her eyes traveled to the ground, and so did Merlin's and Arthur's. On the ground was a steaming pile of... _something_ , that Arthur decided to jump over and grab Gwen, dragging her away.

"Merlin!" he yelled, and Merlin quickly followed, to behind the clump of trees, when only seconds later, there was a load _POP!_ Arthur released Gwen then, and shoved her toward Merlin. "Stay here, with Guinevere. I am going to go deal with these idiots."

"No," Merlin argued, stepping around Gwen, to get closer to Arthur. "I'm going with you."

"So am I," Gwen added. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"No, both of you will stay here, that's an order from your king, do you understand?"

"Yes...

"No..."

"Merlin!" Arthur yelled, glaring daggers at him. "You will stay here and protect Gwen."

"She doesn't need protecting," Merlin fought with him, one last time. He couldn't let Arthur go alone, what if something happened? No, he had to go. "What will I do to protect her, anyway? She's better with a sword than I am..."

"Merlin, shut up," Arthur told him, one last time. "Stay here."

Arthur walked away, back through the bushes and out of sight. Merlin waited a whole minute before he looked at Gwen and then the area Arthur had walked through. Gwen looked back at him, seeming to already know what he was going to say.

"I will wait here..."

Merlin nodded, before he too, headed back through the bushes. Whatever was flaming before, smelled horribly rotten now, and he supposed he knew why Arthur acted the way he had about it. Merlin continued on, holding his breath until he was clear of that smell. Arthur was no where to be found, but there was no telling where the giant men had gone off to, and if Arthur had even found them yet. His plan was, after all, to keep hidden, and only intervene if Arthur needed him to. Arthur often needed help, but he wasn't nearly as helpless as some might think. He was a good talker when needed, and an even better fighter. Though, it was hardly a fair fight, this time around, with hairy, ugly men and their nasty stink bombs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I have two chapters after this ready to go. At least one is a little bit longer than these last few chapters have been. So, hope you're looking forward to that, and are still enjoying this story, I am enjoying writing it. Also, I was a tiny bit distracted tonight, so this editing job probably wasn't the best, excuse errors, I'll go through it again tomorrow.)


	5. Chapter 5

At least ten large, hairy men were lying, dead on the ground, and as the dust fell, Merlin lowered his hand, eyes trained on Arthur ahead of him. He was holding something in his hand, and although a bit dirty now, perfectly fine. Merlin approached him, he hadn't noticed him until that moment. He threw up his arms in the air.

"I told you to stay with Guinevere!" Arthur shouted. "Do you ever listen to a single word I say?"

"No..." Merlin answered, offhanded. Eyes going down to the thing Arthur was holding. "What is that?"

"I don't know, the idiots were guarding it, I think it might be a sigil, of some kind."

"We will have to ask Gaius," Merlin offered his hand, and Arthur placed the thing in his palm.

"Can we go get my wife, first, perhaps?" Arthur retorted, obviously not entirely over Merlin going against his orders. Twice. But oh well, he should be used to it by this point. Merlin was hardly going to change now.

They did, in fact, go and get Gwen, and then all three of them returned to Camelot. Gwen seemed rather upset that their outing had been ruined, and not that her husband had almost been killed by giant, ugly men. That didn't seem like her, but Merlin had noticed...things had changed with Gwen, since she had become queen. Maybe it was her trying to be royal, but if it was...well, she wasn't doing a very good job. Anyway, Merlin was tasked with the job of taking the sigil to Gaius, who studied it for a few hours, asking questions about the men every so often, but still hadn't gotten anywhere with it. Merlin had to go retrieve Arthur's dinner, and did so, leaving Gaius to his work. Hopefully there would be a few answers found before Merlin returned.

"You are always off getting into trouble!" Gwen was yelling, Merlin stopped outside the door, sighing, here we go again. "Perhaps if you managed the crime in your own kingdom..."

"Who can possibly get that done? Even my father-"

"Made it worse..."

"Guinevere!"

At this point, Merlin entered the room, wanting to end the argument before it got out of hand. "Dinner!" he announced, cheerfully, though, very forced cheer. That earned him a glare from both of them.

"Don't bother, Merlin, I'm not hungry," Gwen said, covering her arms over her chest and frowned, troubled.

"Well, I am," Arthur retorted. "Set the food!"

Merlin did as he was told. He heard Gwen huff, as he did so. "Well, I'm glad you can just stuff your face at a time like this!"

"I'm hungry!" Arthur countered this, which made Merlin smile a little bit. Just because it was kind of...endearing. Gwen didn't seem to think so.

"I'll just leave you to your food then!" The Queen stomped toward the door. "God forbid you take a moment to discuss a problem with your wife!"

"We weren't discussing anything, you were shouting at me."

"I just don't understand why when I say something so simple to you, as what I did, you have to became a thick-headed ass!" Gwen shouted. "We cannot disagree without becoming vicious!"

"I wasn't the one being vicious, I didn't say anything!"

"You insulted my intelligence!"

"I said you obviously didn't understand how dangerous of an area we were in without even knowing it!" Arthur shouted back, Merlin kept his head down, placing the table. "I didn't either. Why the hell do you always have to be so sensitive?"

"Because you are so defensive..."

"I am not..."

"There is just no reasoning with you!" Gwen shouted, pulling open the door. Merlin knew, because he heard the door scrape across the wood floor. "I am sick of this, Arthur! Sick of it!" And with that, she slammed the door shut.

Arthur walked over to the table and looked at Merlin, Merlin looked up to see Arthur at a loss for words. "What am I supposed to do? Nothing is good enough for her..."

Merlin shrugged, "She's a woman..."

"Unfortunately..."

Merlin laughed, a bit uncomfortably. "At least I'm not..."

"Good point," Arthur sat down and stared at his food. He didn't touch it though. "Maybe I should have married you..." he muttered. "You're annoying, but at least I understand you."

"Gwaine says I'm your first wife," Merlin said, letting the words come out in a bit of a blurp. He probably shouldn't have said that, Gwaine had only been kidding anyway. "I punched him in the arm though, when he said that."

"What?" Arthur looked up from his plate, he still hadn't touched. "What's wrong with being my wife?"

"I don't know...I never tried it," Merlin bit his lip. "I was never offered to try it."

Arthur stopped at that, raising his eyebrow in thought. "And if I _had_ offered?"

A small smirk formed on Merlin's lips. "I might have said yes."

Arthur's eyebrow rose higher, nodding his head. "Good to know." He looked at Merlin then, with a smirk of his own. "I might have missed out on something there."

"Your loss, I guess."

"I suppose...whatever will I do?"

"Eat your food, you could try that."

"See, already telling me what to do, like a wife..." Arthur continued, smirk staying on his lips. "What a fool I was."

"That's normal for you," Merlin countered. He was a bit nervous as to where this conversation was going. He didn't know if Arthur was joking or not. Though, why would he be serious? He wasn't that miserable with Gwen.

"Uncalled for," he said, but tucked in and started eating. Looking a little bit better than he had before. At the very least, this conversation had put Arthur in a better mood. Which, confused Merlin just a little bit. Merlin left after Arthur finished eating, heading back to Gaius' chambers, to see if he had found anything out about the giant men, per Arthur's request.

"Ogres," Gaius said, upon being asked. "Or ogress, for females. They are described as large, hideous monsters, with human appearances. Whom feast on human flesh."

"Wonderful..." Merlin grimaced. "What was the thing they were guarding?"

"I am still not entirely sure, it must be something they have stolen, there is no talk of a symble for them, but I will keep reading."

"I don't understand...they could have eaten me, but they didn't."

"Did you use magic in front of them?" Gaius asked. Merlin nodded, confused still. "They are terrified of magical beings."

"Well, that explains it, why half of them ran off when I was protecting Arthur," Merlin sighed. "Do you think they will come looking for this sigil?" he looked down at the rusted old thing, on the table between them. "They didn't seem very bright."

"They could...if it means that much to them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: So, here is the newest chap. The next one will be pretty long. I think the longest in the story so far. So, yay for that. Also, Ogre's. I don't think they touched that in the show, if they did....I can't remember. Hope you enjoy!)


	6. Chapter 6

A week had passed since the Ogre incident, and Gaius still hadn't found out what the sigil was, and no ogre's had shown up. So, Merlin let the worry linger in the back of his mind for now, while he focused on other things. Like the upcoming feast the kingdom was holding. Merlin didn't mind the feasts, the prepping for them he did, and the cleaning up after, he really did. But the actual feast part wasn't so bad. This upcoming feast was celebrating the ending of summer, and there would be dancing involved. Merlin never got to partake in the dancing, because he never had a date. He had watched Arthur a few times, dance with Morgana, or visiting ladies, but he never did much dancing either. This year, he would have a wife to dance with. Or, so Merlin  had thought...

"I refuse!" Guinevere stated, crossing her arms, angry. "After what you said to me last night? I refuse to be seen with you. I won't be attending."

That blew Merlin's mind, and Arthur's too, apparently. "What?" he asked. "You're the queen, you have to attend!"

"No I don't," she shrugged, looking at Arthur with a look that just asked him to test her. "Tel them I'm sick, or that my husband is a terribly rude human being."

"I am not!" Arthur argued. "I agree, what I said last night was...wrong, I apologized, what more can I do?"

"Do you really want me to tell you what you _can_ do?" Gwen retorted, with a twisted smile on her lips. She looked like Merlin's mum did whenever Merlin had done something incredibly stupid. Arthur sighed, rubbing his temples with a strong hand.

"Why do you have to act like this?"

"You can blame yourself for this."

"What am I supposed to do now, Guinevere?!"

"Take Merlin..." she trailed off, almost laughing at her comment, like it was a funny idea. "I'm sure he is a lovely dancer."

Arthur did not end up taking Merlin to the feast, he took no one, and pleaded with Gwen a few more times, as Merlin helped him get ready. Merlin figured Gwen had just been saying she wouldn't attend, but would anyway. Just like his mother used to say, or do, with certain things. But Gwen, she was a woman of her word, instead, changing into her nightwear and made a show of getting into the bed. Arthur was ferious.

"She just didn't feel like going, too busy with...whatever the hell she does," he spat, as they walked down the hall together. "I'm this close to asking her to leave, Merlin... _this_ close!" He held up his fingers in front of Merlin's face. "She can...go fall down a hole like all good witches do."

"You don't really mean that..." Merlin trailed off. And Arthur glared at him, harshly. "I agree she should have come, being queen isn't a game. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself."

"Enjoy myself while all the other couples are dancing and having a good time?" Arthur barked. "I will be a great time knowing they will go back to their rooms and make love and I'll go back to my room and get kicked and yelled at for snoring!"

Merlin stopped outside the feast room door, and looked at Arthur for a moment. "Are you really that unhappy?"

"Sometimes..."

The whole feast went by quickly, they ate, Merlin poured wine, people did dance, Merlin poured more wine, and all the while Arthur looked so depressed it made Merlin's heart ache. Gwen had an amazing thing here. Even if Arthur _was_ impossible, he was still a good man and deserved to be loved properly, right now he didn't think Gwen was doing that. And before, before they had gotten married, Merlin had been so sure she would.

Guinevere _used_ to make Arthur happy.

Arthur stayed seated, even after everyone started leaving, he might have had too much wine. Merlin had filled his cup a few more times than usual. Merlin approached him, placing a hand on Arthur's shoulder. He looked up, with sad eyes.

"You've never danced at one of these things..." he said, throwing Merlin off a bit. He shrugged. "Why not?"

"No one has ever asked me," he shrugged again. Arthur nodded, looking straight forward again. He seemed to be thinking, and Merlin was getting kind of worried, normally Arthur left long before the festivities ended, perhaps he just really didn't want to return to his chambers.

"Do you want to dance with me?" Arthur asked then, in a small voice, Merlin's brow forwarded. Arthur looked up at him again, waiting for an answer, and what was he supposed to say? No? _Never._

"Alright..." he stepped back, as Arthur stood up. "But how? There's no music..."

"Hum," Arthur answered, grabbing Merlin's wrist and dragged him to the middle of the empty floor. He placed his other hand on Merlin's waist. Merlin was sort of fumbling around, not sure what to do, or why he felt so awkward about this. "Let me lead, damn you!" Arthur said, loudly, after a long second of this.

"I'm taller," Merlin countered, with a small smile. "I should lead."

"You are also more feminine, so I should lead..."

"You're not that...masculine. You're like a baby kitten," Merlin's smile grew and Arthur decided to look offended by that, even though Merlin knew he wasn't.

"A baby kitten, what is that?"

"I don't know...its what you remind me of, I want to give you treats and rub your belly half the time."

"I have never been opposed to the idea of a belly rub..." Arthur replied, and Merlin hadn't noticed before, but they were dancing, seamlessly together. Swaying in place until Arthur decided to move them a bit, around the room. "This would obviously work better if you were wearing a gown, we probably look a bit silly."

"When do we not?"

"Good point."

Arthur spun them around, and Merlin wondered when they had settled on the fact that Arthur would lead, not that he minded. He liked the dancing no matter what. He liked being this close to Arthur, it was a very rear occasion when he could be close to him like this. But never quite like this, they had never danced before, and Merlin was going to enjoy every moment of it. Arthur hummed in his ear, tugging him a little closer, and Merlin felt his skin tingling all over again, his breath quicken, and not from the dancing. Arthur pulled back and attempted to dip Merlin, though, it didn't work out so well, he nearly let Merlin fall out of his arms.

"Hey, prat!" Merlin laughed, and Arthur did, too, pulling him back up.

"Sorry, won't try and impress you again..."

" _You_ try to impress _me_?" Merlin laughed again, resting his chin on Arthur's shoulder, as they once again began to sway. "Never."

"It happens more than you think."

"Really?" Merlin pulled back and looked at Arthur. Who smiled, bashfully.

"Sometimes when the knights and I are training...I like you to be there to watch. Me, in particular," he looked really, very bashful now and Merlin found that way too cute.

"You know I know you're a good fighter."

" ButI like it when you cheer for me..." Arthur admitted. "Is that wrong?"

"Maybe..."

"I get angry when you cheer for the others..."

"Oh yes, that's definitely wrong...so self obsessed, _my lord_!"

"Oh please," Arthur retorted. "I know you get jealous of Guinevere, that's no better than this."

"Hey, you prat, I'm glad to be rid of you!" Merlin said, smiling bright, and clearly lying. "I say take you away more often."

"Is that so..?"

"Yes!"

"Well then..." Arthur trailed off, spinning them around once more. He sighed after a long moment. "See, this is what I want, I can tease you and we can bicker...and-"

"And no shouting?" Merlin asked. "Well...not all the time anyway."

"I cannot say anything joking or otherwise."

"I know..."Merlin nodded, rubbing Arthur's shoulder. "But let's not think about that now, you were having a good time..."

Arthur nodded, and began humming again, putting his focus onto the dancing, obviously, and off unpleasant thoughts. Merlin went along with him, as they continued around the floor, dancing together. It was after that point, that Arthur stopped them in the middle of the floor and pushed Merlin back, taking his hand and spinning him around a few times, he wound up flushed agonist's Arthur's chest once Arthur had pulled him back and the king kept him like that, looking into his eyes, and licking his lips. It took Merlin back to when they had kissed, and suddenly, that's all he wanted to do, was to kiss Arthur. His heart began to race again, just thinking about it.

"You're so clumsy..." Arthur muttered, in a whispers, eyes darting from Merlin's eyes down to his lips, and then back up. Merlin nodded, inching closer. He wanted this, he wanted it now and he didn't care, nor think, about anything. Closer and closer, Merlin came, lips just about touching, and they would have, if Arthur hadn't froze there. "Merlin..." he said, still in a whisper, but this one much more pained. "I couldn't...unhappy as we seem, I am still a married man, I cannot forsake my vows..."

Merlin gulped, but did not move away, and neither did Arthur, for that matter. "I know..." he answered. "I..I wouldn't ask you to."

"I know you wouldn't, I wouldn't blame you..."

"But I want to..." Merlin said, even though he knew he shouldn't, as he pulled back and his breathing went back to normal. He didn't know how to describe how he felt, _sad_...just sad now.

Arthur sighed, hands falling from Merlin's body. "I wish I could say yes...sometimes."

"We should go now," Merlin said, quietly, gulping at the thick lump in his throat. Arthur nodded.

"I'm sorry if I...if I led you on in some way," Arthur muttered. Looking how Merlin suddenly felt. Though, Merlin doubted either of them really regretted the moments they had shared together tonight.

"You didn't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: This chapter was a bit longer, I hope you enjoyed it....and tell me what you think. Do you think Arthur is/was leading Merlin on? It kinda felt like he was to me, also....what are your thoughts about Gwen? She's being a bit OC, wouldn't you say...or evil?!!!)


	7. Chapter 7

"A piece of four," Gaius said, randomly, as Merlin walked in one afternoon. Merlin looked confused, and Gaius was good enough to explain. "The sigil, is one piece of four. When put together, can control the ogre's. In the hands of someone like Morgana...it could be detrimental."

"It's a good thing we have it then," Merlin said, and Gaius nodded. "Do you think the ogre's will come for it?"

"If they know you are a sorcerer, it's quite possible," Gaius said, taking a seat at the table. "Though, I wouldn't worry too much about I-"

Suddenly the door burst open and there stood Arthur. "We're being attacked by those idiot ogre's. Merlin, come on!"

Merlin raised an eyebrow at Gaius and the man shrugged. "Spoke too soon?"

"You think?" Merlin retorted, as Arthur drug him out of the room. He rushed down the hall, and Merlin fought to keep up with him. "They are here for the sigil, Gaius figured out what it means..."

"They gathered reinforcements," Arthur said, as they reached the armory. "Leon saw them, they will arrive within the hour."

Merlin nodded, and began to pull out Arthur's armor, dressing him in it. Moments ticked by slowly, and Arthur tapped on his chest plate, nervously, as Merlin finished up readying his armor. Merlin flattened his fingers to his chest. "You seem nervous?" he said, or sort of asked, with a small smile. "That's not like you."

"I'm not nervous," Arthur retorted with a pout, Merlin nodded, even though he didn't believe him for a moment. "You will stay with Guinevere...?"

Merlin rolled his eyes, before he looked up again, and met Arthur's. "No."

"You will be safe with her," Arthur explained, sounding serious. Though, Merlin couldn't care less. "She will be in the throne room, and have a group of knigths in the room."

"I will be safe outside of the room," Merlin explained. "I'll be with you."

"No," Arthur shook his head. "Merlin...I-"

"Shut up, I don't want to hear it," Merlin cut him off, Arthur's eyebrows rose up, when he told him to shut up, Merlin would be getting it for that one later. He hoped anyway. "I will be out there with you, no matter what, so either I sneak out or you let me go with you, that's it!"

"Is that so?" Arthur's lips twisted into a smile.

"Yes!" Merlin nodded.

"Alright...suit yourself."

And so Merlin did, he marched out right next to Arthur. Arthur's plan was to meet them at the edge of town, where very little damage could be done. They stood out there, groups of knights behind them. And for awhile there was nothing, not even the sounds of the city, as they had all been warned and were out of sight. It was so still and eerie. Merlin hated war and fighting, but had been through it enough times, had to, he had no choice, and he understood it, that they had no choice but to fight.

The first ogre appeared and Arthur became stiff next to him. Another and another soon arrived, and suddenly there were hundreds of large, ugly men, and maybe a few woman, too. Arthur rose his sword in the air, and the men around him screamed. "For Camelot!" he yelled and they were off, just as the ogre's advanced upon them.

Merlin stayed back, out of the fight, he kept his eyes on Arthur alone, making sure he didn't get hurt. The Ogre's had brought more than just clubs to this fight. Gwaine came up next to him and patted him on the shoulder. "You should go back to the castle, before you get yourself killed."

"No, perfectly fine here, thanks," Merlin countered and Gwaine sighed.

"Your death sentence," he said, and took off, to jump on the back of an ogre who was fighting Percival. Merlin's eyes went back to Arthur. He was doing fine, but that didn't mean Merlin didn't worry. If anything happened to Arthur, if he was killed...Merlin didn't know what he would do. He just wouldn't have the will to live anymore, that's all. As unhealthy as it is, Arthur Pendragon was Merlin's whole life, and without him? What was he supposed to do? There was nothing...

"MERLIN!" Arthur was shouting, ignoring the ogre next to him, who was threating him with a wooden pole of some kind. "Behind you!"

Merlin whipped around and there stood an ogre of his own. Merlin sighed. He couldn't use magic if Arthur was watching. "You really are ugly, aren't you?"

"Magic!" the ogre growled out, and lifted his fist, even though he had a perfectly good sword in his hand, and...everything went black after that.

Not again, Merlin groaned and struggled to open his eyes, he had to wake up to protect Arthur. He wasn't watching...

When Merlin finally opened his eyes, he was in a dark room, his own room, and the only light was that of a dim candle flickering. No one else was in the room. He jumped up. What happened? Why was he in his room? He stumbled, on tired legs, to get to his door and down the stairs. "Gaius!" he yelled, but got no answer, there was no one in the man's chambers. "GIAUS!"

There was still no answer, and Merlin was panicking, to say the very least. He wrenched open the door and ran down the corridor. No one was around, and Merlin felt like he was in one of his nightmares. The need to yell Arthur's name was inching at his tongue, but he didn't, he ran and ran, upstairs and down hallways until he reached Arthur's door. He burst in, not knocking or anything, he didn't think about it.

"Merlin!" Gwen said loudly, and Merlin was just so relieved to hear another persons voice, he didn't pay attention to the fact that The Queen was in bed. Until he did and frowned, because she was alone. "...you're not wearing a shirt."

"Where's Arthur?" he asked, ignoring her statement. It didn't matter.

"Guinevere! Merlin's not in his-"

Arthur entered the room, and Merlin turned around to eye him. Arthur eyed him right back. "Where the hell were you?"

"Where the hell was I?" Arthur countered. "Looking for your stupid, useless hide!"

"What?" Merlin shouted in return.

"I came to check on you, because you, of course, get yourself injured, and Gaius tells me you've completely vanished while he was out fetching water!" Arthur argued, and Merlin had just, suddenly noticed he hadn't looked at his face once. "And why the hell aren't you wearing a shirt?!"

"I...I don't know?" Merlin muttered, looking down at his bare chest. "I woke up like this and-"

"Decided to run off?"

No...find you," Merlin felt very uncomfortable, suddenly. "I...I was worried about you."

"That's sweet, Merlin, but Arthur's perfectly fine," Gwen said, from Merlin's right, and he looked over, as she walked over to them. "You were the one who had gotten hurt, you should rest."

"I'm not tired..."

"She's right, Merlin, you should listen to her," Arthur told him, placing his hands around The Queen's waist. Merlin glared at that. But Arthur was still eyeing his chest, so he wouldn't notice. "If Gwaine hadn't killed the ogre, he would have ran you through."

"But he didn't...and I'm fine," Merlin argued, pout forming on his lips. They obviously wanted to be alone. And definitely did not want Merlin there, it upset him far more than it should. His head hurt and he felt like crying suddenly. "But I'll go, I wouldn't want to waste any more of your time."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Arthur asked, confused, probably, but Merlin was already walking toward the door and didn't look back at them. "Merlin..."

"Leave him alone, Arthur," he could hear Gwen saying, in a quiet voice, as he pulled open the door. "He's injured. He probably doesn't know what he's saying."

This angered Merlin, probably more than it should have, and _probably_ proved that she was right. But he didn't care. "I'M PERFECTLY FINE!" he shouted, before he slammed the door and stomped down the hall. They were stupid, both of them, and Merlin should quit, just to spite them.

But he wouldn't. Even if he should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I wasn't that big of a fan of this chapter, but I figured I would post it since I got so many lovely comments about the last chapter. If it's alright with all of you, I think I am going to skip ahead soon, not in the next few chapters, but soon, this is still only the first year of Arthur and Gwen's marriage, and I need to get to the beginning of season 5, and at that point, I think I will make a part 2, as I have quite a few ideas of how to change, (hopefully for the better,) season 5. Just want your thoughts on the idea? Let me know! And, of course, how you liked this chapter!)


	8. Chapter 8

A few months passed, after the ogre's attack and everything was back to normal. Of course Arthur and Guinevere argued quite a bit, more often than not, if Merlin was being perfectly honest. He didn't think this was normal, even if Gaius said it was, sometimes it seemed Arthur was so unhappy he could barely think straight, this, right now, being one of those times.

Arthur had come done with a sickness, nothing major, just a running nose and a cough. _Child's play_ , as he had said the day before, only to be acting as though he was on his death bed now. Merlin just laughed as Gwen called him a child that morning, because this was always the way he acted when he was sick, though, she hadn't seen it before now. But of course, it had escalated from there, and they had gotten into such an argument that Gwen had swiftly stomped from the room.

"Your tonic, Sire," Merlin said, walking into the room, to find Arthur pouting in bed. He crossed his arms and his bottom lip stuck out just a tiny bit more. Merlin smiled. "Come, on, open up!"

"No," Arthur retorted. "I want to stay sick, so I die and it will be entirely Guinevere's fault."

"You won't die from a cold, my lord," Merlin told him. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he shook the bottle in Arthur's face. "And besides...I'd miss you, and your pratty, clotpole ways too much."

"You would miss me?" Arthur asked, intrigued, with a raised eyebrow. Merlin nodded, and handed the tonic to Arthur, whom took it and looked at the yellow-ish liquid, unhappily. Merlin stood up and started tidying up Arthur's chambers; picking up the clothes Arthur had left on the floor, and putting them away. He knew Arthur hadn't taken the tonic yet and he was planning on staying there until he did, he could wait. "Merlin..." Arthur said, quietly, and Merlin looked back, across the room, from where he stood at the table. He smiled, telling The King to go on. "Do you uh...do you love me?"

This question took Merlin completely off guard, and he dropped the empty breakfast plate on the floor, luckily, it only chipped and didn't break entirely. He could fix that later. He bent down, in a daze, to pick it up. "Um..." he mumbled. "What?"

"Do you love me?" Arthur asked again, looking slightly pink in he cheeks, and Merlin had a suspicion it had nothing to do with the fever. Although, that might be why he was asking such a question now. "I need to know, I have wondered for awhile now."

"Yes," Merlin answered, because it was the truth, and he so rarely told that. Arthur's eyes widened, and he gulped.

"In the same way I love Guinevere?" Arthur asked, eyes glossed over now, like he was deep in thought.

"Yes," he answered again. Even though he didn't understand why this was happening, he wouldn't lie. "I do."

"Since when?"

"Since the moment we kissed," Merlin answered, still with the truth. It was almost refreshing. "I blame your wife for this..."

"I do, too," Arthur said, blinking and looking down at his legs. "...I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Merlin placed the plate down on the table and walked over to Arthur. He sat at the edge of the bed, again. "It doesn't matter, it won't change anything. I think you already knew anyway."

"You had been acting strange," Arthur nodded. "I suppose I just needed to know...I wanted to know."

"I almost kissed you when we danced, how much more did you need to know?" Merlin asked, taking the tonic from his hands and popping it open, he then forced it back into The King's hands once more.

"I thought I was just wooing you."

Merlin chuckled. "Never in a million years."

"Rude..." Arthur muttered, and downed the tonic, making sickened faces, he handed the empty bottle back to Merlin. "Disgusting."

"You _are_ rude and disgusting," Merlin teased, and Arthur smirked. "I have such low standards..."

"Yes, the King of Camelot, so very low..."

"You are much more than a title, Arthur...I mean, once a person gets to know you for all your whining and complaining, they truly love you for that," Merlin grinned, as Arthur shoved him off the bed.

"Get out!"

"Make me!" Merlin challenged, knowing full well, Arthur wasn't going to get out of the bed. And he did not, instead, he leaned forward and grabbed Merlin's arm, yanking him into the bed with him. "Hey! Not fair...not-" Arthur covered his mouth. "GETOFFMEPRAT!"

"I want a belly rub," Arthur announced, letting go of Merlin, who stood on his knees and adjusted his jacket. He gave The King a confused look. "You said you wanted to give me belly rubs. So do it."

"Sickness makes you a very strange person," Merlin told him, sitting on the bed and crossed his legs, laying his hand on Arthur's chest. "I'm not sure what to feel about it."

"Happy, that I'm giving you what you want," Arthur told him, and yanked Merlin's hand down to his stomach. "Rub!"

"Yes... _sire_ ," Merlin muttered, running his hand over The King's abdomen. It was odd, and the content noises Arthur made, made Merlin feel...well, all sorts of ways. He worried what Gwen would say, if she happened to walk in and see this. "Where's your wife?" he asked, after doing this for a few minutes. Arthur peeked open an eye and shrugged.

"How should I know?" he retorted. "She left this morning in a huff, and I haven't seen her since."

"Are you doing this to get back at her?" Merlin asked, because that was his next worry. Arthur opened his eyes more and glared at Merlin.

"No."

"Then...I don't understand."

"Merlin, I feel like hell, my wife surely doesn't care. I want comfort. I'm not asking you to have sex with me, or worse-"

"What's worse than sex?" Merlin interrupted, confused, and not paying attention to his words. "I mean, with you..."

"Well, thank you, really..." Arthur retorted. "Heard stories from Guinevere, have you?"

"No, why?" Merlin countered. "What stories?"

"Never mind...the point I _was_ making, _idiot_...is, I just want comfort, and I want it from you, and it's nothing to feel guilty about, understood?"

"Yes..." Merlin trailed off. Continuing to rub The King's belly. He grinned. "So...what stories?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Yes, you have entered the weird part of fanficitons. I was thinking that when I was writing this, I actually got the whole belly rub idea from an Arthur I rp with sometimes. Arthur does love his belly rubs, and his hair petted. Aka, he's actually a cat. We might see that (hair pets,) in the future of this story as well. Also, I will be moving in a day or so, and won't have any way to post for a few days. No more than five days, I'm hoping. I'll try to get back sooner, but either way, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. P.S. I don't think my edits to the chapter worked before I posted it, I'll have to look back through it when I have time, I hope it doesn't bother you too much.)


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm struggling to forgive you, because I don't know how," Guinevere said, one evening, while Arthur was going over reports and Merlin was sharpening his sword. Merlin looked up, feeling just as confused as Arthur looked, his eyebrows forwarded.

"Come again?" Arthur asked, setting down the paper in his hands and looked up at his wife. "What have I done this time?"

"It's not what you have done this time...but throughout our entire marriage," Gwen said, and Merlin sighed, looking back down at the sword in his hands. He thought of running himself through with the sword, just so he didn't have to hear this conversation, but then thought better of it. "There are things...I just cannot hold to myself another moment."

"There are things you are holding to yourself?" Arthur retorted, voice that of a mock. "That isn't a life of a royal, is it?"

"That is not the way I want to rule, Arthur."

"Very well..." Arthur trailed off. "Go on. Tell me."

"You have said some very hurtful things, things that hurt me so deeply, I could never imagine you could hurt me this deeply," Guinevere explained, though, with no great detail. "I never dreamed you could be such a horrible husband...if I had-"

"You wouldn't have married me?" Arthur countered. "No one is stopping you from leaving now, if I have hurt you so much."

"This is what I mean, you are so ready to give up," Gwen stated, eyes welling with tears. "It makes you wonder if you love me at all."

"I do," Arthur stood. "But I don't know how to do it right...I can only do it the way I know how."

"That clearly isn't enough," Gwen spat. "You spend more time with your servant than your queen!"

"Only because my queen pushes me away," Arthur retorted. "Perhaps if she didn't fight me over every little detail?"

"You used to love my strong minded spirit..."

"I still do, but not when you question me right in front of my entire counsel and make me feel like an idiot, or when you refuse to attend social events with me, or if I say one thing you don't like, you tell me how terrible a husband I am," Arthur explained. "These things push me away, Guinevere."

"Merlin does these things, and you leave him unpunished?" Gwen countered, Merlin didn't like how his name kept being brought up. This didn't have anything to do with Merlin. He set the sword down on it's stand and stood up, eyes traveling over Arthur. He was tense, and clearly trying not to look at Merlin, in return.

"This has nothing to do with Merlin," Arthur shook his head, saying Merlin's very thought.

"No, it doesn't, but you allow him the luxuries of saying and doing as he pleases, and yet I cannot?" Gwen offered, bitterly. "You are ready to throw me away and yet you allow him to stay?"

"I am not!" Arthur retorted, shaking his head, again, he pointed his finger at Gwen. "You started this, not me. As far as I knew, we were perfectly fine."

"We're not fine, Arthur, we are never fine!" Gwen nearly shouted. "Sometimes I wish...I wish-"

"What?!"

Gwen's lips quivered, "That I had never let you kiss me that day in my house, that I never fell in love with you, but mostly that I had...went with Lancelot."

Merlin gasped, despite his best efforts to keep himself quiet, in the corner. Neither of them looked over, thank the heavens, Gwen was too busy being teary-eyed and Arthur, his mouth was hung open, his eyes wide, but Merlin could see the anger in them. That was a blow, a deep one. Merlin knew that, and he believed Guinevere knew, too.

"...we agreed to never mention Lancelot again," Arthur said, stone cold. That was never a good thing, when Arthur spoke with no emotion. Merlin knew, he knew the anger Arthur was masking. "But I knew you always loved him, perhaps more than me."

"He was my first love, Arthur, do you honestly expect me to never think of him again?" Gwen said, her voice calmer, she knew the dangerous waters she was in.

"Yes," Arthur barked, he began to breathe heavily. His face was turning red and his facade was breaking around him, quickly. "I do, Guinevere!"

"That's foolish..."

Arthur huffed. "You would think that, as you wish you were with him now," Arthur slammed his fist on his desk. "But where is he now? Dead! Yet you wish to be a widow?!"

"Because of you!" Gwen retorted, tears running down her face. Arthur eyed her.

"You blame me for his death?"

"No..." Gwen shook her head, her voice gone small. "I blame myself, too. I told him to protect you."

"I'm your husband, Guinevere!" Arthur commented, voice showing every bit of hurt he was feeling right now.

Gwen cried,"I know..."

Arthur's mouth hung open again, he looked up and his eyes landed on Merlin. "Leave," he spoke, at first he thought Arthur was talking to Gwen, but he had been very wrong. "Merlin...please."

He didn't need to be told twice, Merlin fled the room. He could hear shouting coming from it, only seconds after shutting the door. Merlin didn't stay to listen, he was too shocked. He couldn't believe Gwen would say half of the things she did tonight. How could she wish to be with Lancelot? He had been Merlin's friend too, and one of the only to know of his magic, but he couldn't imagine choosing Lancelot over Arthur. That might sound terrible, but Gwen had basically just chosen the man over her own husband, so Merlin couldn't look any worse. Besides, Arthur was Merlin's destiny, his friend, and...and well, Merlin loved him. Possibly long before he even realized it. Of course his loyalty was with Arthur, as if it could ever be questioned.

However, did this mean Guinevere was truly in love with Lancelot still? Merlin wondered, as he reached the armory. But no, that couldn't be the case, she only ever wanted to be with Arthur before, even while Lancelot still lived, even so much as to ask Lancelot to protect Arthur. Which he did, with his life. (Along with Merlin's, but no one knew that but him.) She couldn't mean it then, but why would she say such things? Was she really that unhappy with Arthur? Merlin sighed, and pulled open the cupboard to put away the tools he used to sharpen Arthur's sword.

He thought he heard someone coming down the hall, but he figured it was just one of the knights, probably Gwaine, he was one of the only ones to stay up at such a late hour like this, and Merlin ignored it. Though...he probably shouldn't have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I have returned! Finally got my internet turned on yesterday, there was a big issue with that, but it's all settled now. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Gwen's first line in this chapter is song lyrics. 50 points to your house if you know by whom! Also, who do you think is coming down the hall?!)


	10. Chapter 10

Merlin didn't turn around, even though there were continuous, loud foot steps coming from behind, they sounded a bit harsh, like perhaps the person was drunk, or angry. The only one he knew whom was angry right now, was Arthur, and Merlin hadn't been gone long enough, that row was long from over, he was sure of it. It had to be Gwaine.

"Drink too much again?" Merlin asked, with a smile, as he began to turn around to see his visitor. But too quickly, he was pressed against the cupboard, the thing slammed into the wall behind him, with the force of it. "Arthur...?" Merlin gasped, confused, and honestly a little scared, the man looked frantic, out of his mind even. He gripped on Merlin's neckerchief and pressed him into the cupboard. Merlin only had time to gulp before Arthur's lips were crashing onto his. Arthur kissed him hard, lips being dominate and strong, and not giving Merlin an option to say no, not that that crossed Merlin's mind in that instant, at all. He kissed him back, just as strongly, eyes batting shut and hands reaching up to hold Arthur's jaw.

Maybe he should say no, even if Arthur wasn't making that an option, he should have more self respect for himself, because he knew what this was; this was Arthur getting back at Gwen for what she said. Because there was something between the two of them, Arthur knew it, he knew Merlin was in love with him. And even though Merlin knew he should stop this, he was getting in the middle of a marriage right now, (that very well could be over, he hardly knew, that still didn't matter,) but his brain was actual goo in his ears. He couldn't think, the only thing he could focus on was making sure he poured every ounce of passion he had eve felt for this horribly difficult man, into that kiss.

They kissed each other until they were both completely and utterly breathless, Arthur pulled away, growling out something that sounded like Merlin's name and pressed his forehead against Merlin's. Merlin refused to open his eyes. He didn't want to face this reality just yet. Couldn't they just go back to kissing and keep the moment going forever? Merlin supposed not. He sighed. "Arthur...?" he repeated his words from earlier, still confused, and opened his eyes.

"We're not in love," Arthur answered, and Merlin wasn't sure what he meant, his forehead lowered to Merlin's neck, where he pressed it into Merlin's collarbone. "We used to be, I know we used to be...but not anymore."

"What...what happened after I left?" Merlin muttered, he didn't know what else to say. Arthur laughed, very bitterly.

"She told me that," he explained. "That I am not the man she thought I was. And...I never will be. She blames me for it all, you know?" Arthur sniffed, and Merlin refused to believe he felt the wetness of tears on his skin. "Her father, Morgana...it's all my fault. I should have just assumed..."

"Why would you assume that?" Merlin retorted. He knew Arthur already blamed himself for enough. He didn't need this, too. "It's not your fault. Morgana went against you, you tried to help her father...you knighted her brother."

"Yes, I mentioned that too," Arthur said. "Apparently, knighting Elyan was only out of guilt."

"That's stupid..."

"It was my father who had hers killed, why did she marry me?" Arthur asked, looking up at Merlin, and as Merlin had feared, there were tears in his eyes. Merlin reached up to wipe them away. "She took my name, she became queen. Why if she doesn't love me, Merlin?"

Merlin shook his head, "I don't know..."

"I thought she loved me, I loved her...I tried, very hard, as hard as I could, to make her happy," Arthur said, shaking his head and biting his lip. "And then there's you."

"Me?" Merlin asked, he again, didn't like being brought up in this problem. Why was he apart of this problem? He supposed that kiss probably answered a few of those questions.

"I don't know what I feel for you...but it's something," Arthur answered, leaning into Merlin again, and pressed his lips to Merlin's neck. He gasped, gulping, as Arthur left wet, very wet, adding his tears into the mix, kisses on the skin above his neckerchief. "I want to feel this toward Guinevere, but I can't...not anymore."

"Does she know...?"

"No," Arthur answered quickly. "But she had no issue telling me a part of her heart still lies with Lancelot, so I had no problem coming down here and kissing your face off."

"Lancelot is dead, Arthur...and my face is still very much intact," Merlin told him, pushing him off, just a little bit. "I can't be between you two, it's not fair to Gwen even if she deserves it."

Arthur frowned. "I doubt she would care..."

"It's not fair to me, either," Merlin retorted. "I will just give you what Gwen will not. And that's what you wanted?"

"No," Arthur said, standing up straight and licking his lips. "I just...wanted you, for a moment. I wanted to kiss someone who loved me, who _really_ loved me."

Merlin's lips turned up, into a small, yet sad smile, at The King's. "And how was that?"

"It was...well, your kissing is slightly under par, I have to say, but I'm sure I could fix that," Arthur smirked. He knew Arthur was only joking, Merlin laughed too, letting himself be dazzled by Arthur's stupid face, and happy smile. He knew how heart broken he was, how could he deny him of this?

"Like your kissing was any better?" he retorted, their lips coming nearer, and after all Merlin had just told him, he was going to betray his own words.

"It was," Arthur answered, leaving a peck on the corner of Merlin's mouth, he laughed again, afterward. "Much better than yours."

"In your dreams," Merlin retorted, feeling just too perfectly warm in Arthur's embrace. "It felt like you were trying to eat my face."

"Maybe I was...?"

"You are disgusting."

"And rude," Arthur said, leaning in even closer, until all Merlin could breathe was just _Arthur,_ And funnily enough, he was alright with that. "Kiss me again."

"No..." Merlin trailed off, trying to hold onto even the smallest bit of dignity he had left. Which was very slim these days. "I just said-"

"I don't always have to listen to you," Arthur retorted. Mocking what Merlin has said to him, so many times before. "I've had a bad night, just one more kiss?"

"Fine, one more..." Merlin trailed off, and let Arthur press his lips to his once more. Arthur moaned, and it was all over, any resolve Merlin could ever have with Arthur was completely gone. Everything he had said, burned up in the fires burning between them. These kisses wouldn't stop, even after this night, Merlin could feel it, and why should he stop them again? For his own well being? Ha! That had gone out the door long ago, everything that mattered was Arthur, so why was this any different?

And Gwen? Well, if she didn't want to be kissed like this, by Arthur, (and even though Merlin had teased him before, these kisses were really, quite lovely,) well then...that was The Queen's loss. And perhaps it was incredibly selfish, but Merlin didn't care. He _was_ selfish when it came to Arthur, and he just _didn't_ care. He _wouldn't_ care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Merlin is actually quite selfish when it comes to Arthur, especially in season 5. I always thought he was a bit...obsessive. He didn't even care about their destiny anymore, he just wanted to keep Arthur safe. At least that's how it felt to me, and I kind of wanted to add that in here somehow.)


	11. Chapter 11

There was tension in the air, as usual, as Merlin walked in that morning. The Queen was throwing things, as she readied herself to leave that morning. It's what she did everyday, her and her husband would argue, and she would storm off, and not show up again until dinner time. Merlin nor Arthur have any idea where she goes off to, Merlin assumes the town, or on patrol's with her brother. Elyan had confirmed this a few times before. But even so, Arthur was facing the window, looking thoughtful, and irritated. Merlin didn't say a word as he placed the food for two, on the table. He didn't know why he even brought Gwen's food up anymore, she never ate it, she never ate breakfast with Arthur, it was rare they ate dinner together. They normally fought and Gwen would insist she's ' _just going to bed_.'

Merlin assumed she was getting food during the day, or else she was starving herself. This had been going on for months, ever since they had that massive fight about Lancelot. All Merlin knew, was this was supposed to be a time of peace, as rumors were going around that Morgana had been captured by some far off king, and for a time of peace; there was very little of that happening. Camelot was hectic as ever, only now, from within. (Again.) Gwen left the room and Arthur let out a sigh, his shoulders sagging. His strong resolve quickly fading away.

"What was it this time?" Merlin asked, Arthur didn't turn around, he stayed, looking out the window.

"Is there any point in asking?" Arthur replied, looking back, over his shoulder at Merlin. Whom, approached him. Merlin came and stood next to him, eying him. "It's always the same. I am a terrible husband, I don't know how to love properly. I was raised like a savage..."

"Well, for a savage...you're kind of cute," Merlin said, with a small smile. Arthur raised an eyebrow and looked over at him, Merlin's smile grew and he pressed two of his own fingers to his lips. Arthur seemed to get the message and his own smile formed on his lips. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to Merlin's lips, and yes...that's what he had wanted. He pulled back and motioned toward the table. "Are you hungry?"

"No," Arthur told him, but headed toward the table anyway. He sat and Merlin came and stood next to him. "Sit," and Merlin did. Watching Arthur only pick at his food. "I just wonder..."

"Wonder how to eat?" Merlin countered, even though he knew Arthur was talking about something else now. But Merlin wanted him to eat, either way. "You just pick it up and put it-"

"Shut up?" Arthur retorted, and Merlin nodded, with a smile. "I _wonder_ , if I am a fool for keeping this going only for my kingdom."

Merlin's smile turned into a frown. "I don't know..."

"I am tired of living like this, Merlin," Arthur swallowed, picking up a piece of bread and looked over it, disgusted. "I dred waking up in the morning, knowing I am waking up to her."

"A lot of royal's have separate chambers," Merlin suggested. "Maybe try that?"

"I already suggested it, she told me she is not allowing me to bring whores into our marriage bed," Arthur rolled his eyes. "Because _of course_ I would, right?"

"No," Merlin muttered, looking down at his hands. "How would you...go about it then?"

"I don't know," Arthur shrugged. "I would give her a spot of land and tell her to go away."

"I'm not sure it would be that easy..."

"Probably not," Arthur agreed, shoving the bread into his mouth. "I just can't see this getting better. Do you?"

"I don't know..."

"You don't know much, Merlin..." Arthur trailed off. "I need you to be honest with me. Do you think my marriage is over?"

Merlin sighed. "Please don't make me answer that, Arthur..."

Arthur looked down, at his food and pushed it away. "I suppose that is my answer." His hand trailed over to Merlin's on the table and overlapped his. "Will you go somewhere with me today?"

"I go everywhere with you as it is, do you really need to ask?"

"I suppose not."

Arthur's great idea was to go out and look for a bit of land he might give to Gwen, whilst he complained about her the whole time. Merlin didn't know what he excepted, with the way Arthur had looked at him before they had left, he was almost expecting something romantic, but he should have known better. This was Arthur, what was he really expecting?

They stopped off for a bit of water, as it reached midday and Merlin let the horses drink while Arthur leaned his hand against a tree and looked around the area. He had been in a bad mood all day, and no form of joking or bickering seemed to help, and it always did. Merlin didn't know what else to do with him. He knew Gwen was hurting him terribly, and he could do nothing to change it, but in the meantime, when they were not together, Merlin couldn't stand seeing Arthur so hurt.

In a heat of the moment sort of idea, Merlin leaned down and clapped his hands over the water and the slash flew and slapped across Arthur's back. Arthur went stiff and Merlin stood, with a sly smile on his lips.

"What the hell was that?" Arthur asked, with a stone cold face, though Merlin could see the corners of his lips fighting a smile.

"It was the horse..." Merlin trailed off, face breaking out into a full smile, he couldn't help it. "I don't think she likes you much."

"Oh, is that so?" Arthur came toward him. "I suppose that proposes quite the problem..."

Merlin flinched as Arthur jumped forward, but he didn't touch him, only slapped his own hand into the water and suddenly, Merlin was all wet. "Now that wasn't fair, what did I do?"

"The horse, Merlin?" Arthur slashed him again, and again.

"Alright..." a mouth full of water, Merlin spit. "I'm sorry?"

"You are not," Arthur stood and reached for Merlin, but he wiggled out of Arthur's grip. "Get back here!" Merlin shook his head and ran toward the trees, Arthur ran after him. Merlin could here him laughing from behind him, and he supposed his plan, half-baked as it was, had worked. "Merlin!"

Merlin slipped through the trees and headed back toward the shore, where the horses still stood, by the water. But Merlin really wasn't paying attention to where he was going, and he tripped, over a uprooted root and landed on the ground, with a huff. No more than ten seconds later, however, he huffed again, as Arthur landed on top of him. Though, Arthur had done it on purpose.

"Arthur...get off," Merlin said, and Arthur didn't listen, Merlin fought and wiggled until he was on his back and Arthur looked down at him with a raised eyebrow. "Don't make me hurt you, my lord."

"Oh...?" Arthur smirked, keenly, reaching between them and yanked off Merlin's neckerchief, using it to dry Merlin's damp hair. Arthur was pretty wet too, it seems the slashes were not only hitting Merlin. Arthur's entire front was wet. "Perhaps if you had any muscle, I would be more intimidated."

"Would you like that?" Merlin asked, batting his eyelashes and Arthur smirked and leaned forward until their lips touched. Merlin kissed him deeply, distracting him, only to then flip them over and hold The King's arms above his head. "Do you like this too?"

"Maybe..." Arthur retorted, Merlin leaned forward and pressed his lips onto Arthur's neck, and he lifted his chin up. "Actually...yes, I do." Merlin laughed at that, and continued to kiss him there. But soon Merlin wanted more than that, he grew bold and reckless all at once, and his lips trailed down, passed the other's collarbone. Merlin licked the patch of skin that Arthur's white, puffy tunic didn't cover, and the man let out a gasp. "Merlin..."

Merlin smiled, against Arthur's skin, and yanked at the ends of the shirt until he forced it off and threw it to the side. He kissed down the center of Arthur's chest.

"Merlin..." Arthur said again, in a rough voice. And maybe Merlin liked that a little bit, alright...he defiantly did, a lot. He kissed down passed his ribs, to his naval. "Merlin!" Arthur basically shouted. "We can't...make love. That's going too far, kissing is...enough, as it is."

All action's stopped, he froze and suddenly, his face was heating up. He looked up and shook his head. "No...no, I wasn't...I was just-" he stopped, he leaned on his forearms and pouted at Arthur, who, despite what he just said, smiled at Merlin. "I know we can't."

"Good," Arthur said, hands coming up and resting on Merlin's back. "It's not fair to Guinevere."

"She doesn't deserve it, half the time," Merlin muttered, letting his hands slip over Arthur's chest, he looked up and Arthur didn't tell him otherwise, so he kept doing it. He knew Arthur liked it, anyway.

"My father cheated on my mother, even though they were perfectly happy together," Arthur explained. "I refuse to do the same, Merlin."

"Yeah, I know...the only thing is," Merlin said, in a teasing voice, as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Arthur's jaw. "You're not going to get a baby out of me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: The baby thing is far shadowing. You will see in the next chapter, which will be quite a bit of jump from the time frame of this chapter, It will now be that Arthur and Gwen have been married for whole year now, and are working on the second. I figure their anniversary is somewhere at the end of Spring, early summer. So they had only been married a three or four, maybe possibly five, months before all the fighting began, and Merlin and Arthur, have been doing...whatever it is that is for about five months, starting in the next chapter. If any of that makes sense, it does in my head. Oh well, hope you enjoyed. Also, I didn't have time to edit this as best as I could, let me know if there is any mess ups.)


	12. Chapter 12

Arthur walked in, face blank, eye's wide, and he looked very troubled, as he collapsed in one of the chairs at the dining table. Merlin, in the middle of picking up odds and ends in Arthur's chambers, while Arthur and Gwen had taken a walk, which Gwen had suggested, that was odd for her, and Merlin tired to act like it didn't bother him. Which was not odd for him, and really, rather hard to do. Arthur leaned forward and put his face in his hands.

"Are you going to continue being mysterious over there and wait for me to ask what's the matter?" Merlin asked, stepping toward the table. "Or shall we wait a bit longer?"

Arthur shook his head, not looking up, he rubbed his eyes with the heals of his hands and sighed. "I don't know what to say..."

Merlin began to get worried at this point, he walked over to the table. "What did she want?"

"She wanted to ask my opinion about something," Arthur explained. "About a child..."

Merlin suddenly felt like it was rather hard to breath. "Whose child, Arthur?"

"Mine."

"She's pregnant?" Merlin asked, heart on the verge of breaking, he could feel it in his chest, tearing. "I didn't even know you two were..."

"We're not," Arthur answered, and Merlin was confused now, confused and for some reason, near tears. "She wants to have a baby, she thinks it will help our relationship, if we have something we both love to bond over."

"But you are not going to...?"

"No, I am," Arthur answered quickly, he seemed to notice Merlin's distress now and shrugged. "This won't change anything between us."

"You will have a baby, Arthur...a real, proper family, I'll just be..." Merlin shook his head, and could think of hundred dirty words to call himself. "There."

"I can honestly doubt that," Arthur smiled at him. "You were never, and will never be just _there_."

"When does she want to start this?" Merlin gave Arthur a dirty look. "I want to make sure I have enough time to properly vomit, and not walk in..."

"Tonight, and stop being a child about this, honestly."

Merlin didn't say anything and returned to his work. Arthur tried to change the subject, but Merlin otherwise ignored him, and this went on for awhile. Merlin, he knew he shouldn't be mad. But it was one thing, kissing and touching...when the man's wife was not giving him these things, but now she would. And Merlin couldn't help but think Arthur wouldn't want him anymore, and this is why Merlin shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place.

"Are you really going to be mad at me for this?" Arthur asked, after a good amount of time. He still hadn't moved from his spot at the table, Merlin still wouldn't look at him. "It wasn't my idea, it isn't my fault."

"I'm not mad..."

"You won't even look at me, Merlin. I know when you're angry."

"I'm not..." Merlin muttered. "But do you even want to have a baby?"

"I...don't know, I need an heir. I need to at least try everything I can to make my marriage work," Arthur explained. "You have to understand that, this isn't a personal choice, I have to think of my kingdom first."

"It's what makes you such a great king," Merlin said, bitterly. "I'm happy for you..."

"You are not," Arthur said, and Merlin could tell he was smiling fondly at the back of Merlin's head. But he refused to turn around and see it. "I promise it won't change between us, it's not as if...Guinevere and I will magically fall back in love."

"Magic is outlawed, so I would guess not," Merlin said, snippy, and headed for the door. "I have to go do something for Gaius."

"No you don't..." Merlin heard Arthur say, but he ignored it, again, and headed out of the room. He was right though, Merlin didn't have to do anything for Giaus, he didn't even go to his chambers, he just wandered...

Days passed, and the baby making began, Merlin supposed, he wouldn't stay in Arthur's chambers long enough to find out. In fact, in the mornings, for the last two days, he sent servants under him, up with The King and Queen's breakfast. He wasn't mad at Arthur, it wasn't that, though, that was what Arthur thought. And Merlin felt bad about that, but he just couldn't stand the thought of Arthur touching him after he had done the same with Gwen. Not that there was anything wrong with Gwen, and it was much more appropriate for him to touch her than Merlin, but the thought...it made Merlin sick, he couldn't be the other person in the relationship, this made them, and what they were doing, wrong. As wrong as Uther had been, and Arthur spoke of how he didn't want to be his father so often.

He wouldn't take Merlin to bed because he couldn't betray his marriage anymore than what he already was, but how did only kissing make it any better? No, if Gwen wanted to work on their marriage, then she would kiss him. Not Merlin.

Merlin had no choice but to go and retrieve the dishes from The King's chambers, he didn't want to. There were so many things he would rather do, like fight any beast thought of, be stabbed, and on. But he had no choice, it was his job. He never wished to have another one more. It was the evening, and what better time than this to make a baby? Merlin felt his stomach turn at the idea, and he knocked once, which he never normally did, before he entered.

"Come in!" came Gwen's happy voice, and the hate that filled Merlin scared him so much for that second, that he had to stop, and didn't enter the room. He has to push away the horrible thoughts in his head, the anger he felt for this woman, the thought that if he had just let her die in the forest, if he had convinced Arthur not to marry her, the thought that if she just left now, and stopped pretending everything was fine because now, suddenly she wants a baby, and that the last year Arthur hasn't walked around with a constant broken heart, no...he had to push all those thoughts away. Gwen was his friend. And although she had everything he could possibly want, he would continue being her friend.

"Merlin?!" Gwen said, with a bright smile, as she pulled open the door. "I said come in, didn't you hear?"

"No, I was-" he shrugged, he had no excuse. She walked back into the room and he followed. Arthur was no where to be seen, and it hurt Merlin to think that this was a good thing. "Where's...?"

"He went to speak with the boys about something," Gwen said, happily. And Merlin noted she did sound genuinely happy, the most happy he had heard her in months. This should make him happy, but it didn't. "They are going drinking tonight and I'm pretty sure Arthur is setting a few rules, since they have a training session tomorrow morning." Merlin nodded, and began picking up the mess of plates and crumbs from their dinner, he didn't want to talk, he just wanted to get on with it, and get out, before Arthur returned. "Where have you been lately?"

Merlin shrugged, "Around..."

"I think Arthur misses you, it's not like you to be so distant."

"Yes, well...I have a lot of work to do."

Gwen laughed at that, "You are only a servant..."

Merlin stopped, setting down the plate and looked back at her. "What?"

"I mean, I used to pretend I had a lot of work to do too, just so I wouldn't have to tend to unpleasant things," Gwen smiled brightly. "We are unpleasant to you, aren't we, Merlin?"

"Well...sometimes," Merlin breathed. Gwen's smile _didn't_ fall at that.

"I'm sorry, I wish we hadn't argued like that in front of you, but it shouldn't happen again, we're getting so much better. I can feel it."

"You really think a baby is going to help all that?" Merlin asked, and Gwen's eyes popped open a little bit.

"Arthur told you about the baby?" she frowned. "I told him not to tell anyone we were trying..."

"I guess...I'm not just anyone."

"I suppose not..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I think Merlin made good points in this one. And you know, sometimes you try not to be like someone but you can't help it...in a lot of ways Arthur isn't like Uther, but in some ways he is. And I think that was really explained in this chapter. And I'm not saying it is Arthur's fault, it's a hard situation to be in, for both Merlin and Arthur...and even Gwen, and it really depends on if it really will get better or not, only time can tell. I hope you enjoyed tho!)


	13. Chapter 13

Today, it was an important day in Camelot. Today the round table had finally been finished and was being placed in the castle. Merlin entered the room to find a group of many people, the woodworker, who had replenished and fixed up the table. The table had been in storage for many, many years and had needed a lot of work. And even though Merlin was currently avoiding Arthur like the plague, well...he couldn't miss this, he knew how excited Arthur was for this day to come. Along with the woodworker, stood The King and Queen, quite a few knights, and Gaius.

Arthur was rubbing his hands over the surface of the table, nodding his head to what the woodworker was saying, Gwen was looking fondly down at her husband and engaging her brother in conversation, and Merlin felt very out of place here. Sort of like he wouldn't be missed if he just slipped out. And he probably wouldn't be. And still, he stayed, but toward the door, no one looked up to see him there anyway. No one would notice. Even so, he just couldn't shake the sick feeling he had looking around the room. It wasn't as though Merlin didn't know his place here, because he did, and no matter how he felt, he would not leave or abandon his destiny, but perhaps he had gotten too comfortable? Perhaps he had over stepped his boundaries? He didn't know, all he knew is he suddenly felt like an outsider in his home, and it had everything to do with the way Gwen and Arthur looked at each other these days.

Two hands landed on Merlin's shoulders and it frightened him, for only a second, before Gwaine peaked around him and gave him a wink. He had been the only one to give Merlin any attention in the last minutes, however many, he had been standing here. Gwaine smiled and headed further into the room, announcing, to who ever would listen, that he fully indented on taking many naps in these new chairs, as often as possible.

Arthur thanked the woodworker, many times over, and sent him on his way, the group broke up after that, life going back to normal . Gwen left with Elyan, and Arthur stayed behind, smiling down at the table proudly, and Merlin would have left, too, but his eyes were too busy taking in Arthur's happy presence. He sat at the end of the table and looked up, eyes on Merlin suddenly.

He grinned, "Well?"

Merlin shook his head and licked his lips. He didn't know why, but he didn't except to be talked to. "It's lovely."

"This marks a new era, Merlin..." Arthur said, pointing to one of the chairs. "Sit."

"I really shouldn't..." Merlin trailed off, shaking his head. "I have things-"

"Merlin..." Arthur trailed off, sounding tired and probably like he was going to murder Merlin soon, if he didn't listen to him. "Sit." So, Merlin did. Arthur's smile, which had fallen, reappeared, as he looked around the room. "This marks a new era," he said again. "Where everyone will be quail."

"Even servants?" Merlin asked, with a raised eyebrow, his hands slipped across the hard, clean surface of the table and realized now, why Arthur continued to do this. It just felt _right_. Merlin felt his heart swell at the thought, Arthur really was a good king, and man.

"You're sitting here, aren't you?" Arthur retorted, and Merlin shrugged.

"There's no meeting going on now..."

"That doesn't matter," Arthur answered. "Just because I cannot give you that seat when the meetings start, because you are useless and can't even lift a sword properly, that doesn't mean you don't have that seat within my heart."

A bright, honest and huge, smile broke across Merlin's face, before he could so much as think straight, it wasn't a command his brain had told him to do, but his heart, which now beat just a little bit faster, at Arthur's words. "That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

A smirk was on Arthur's lips now and he shrugged one shoulder. Merlin threw his head back and laughed, he hadn't felt this light and so...normal in weeks, and he just wanted to feel like he belonged in Arthur's world again. Merlin looked forward once more, just as Arthur reached across the distance between them and placed his hand on Merlin's.

"I've missed you," he admitted, and Merlin huffed, swallowing. The light feeling disappearing, just the smallest of bits. "I wish you would stop avoiding me. It doesn't have to be this way."

"You're going to be a father, Arthur..." Merlin answered him, eyes darting down to the table, they stayed there. "You will have a wife, and a child, you'll have no room for me, you and Gwen will be happy."

Arthur shook his head, "She's not pregnant yet..."

"That doesn't matter, she will be," Merlin explained, standing up, he pushed in the chair, and his eyes went to the floor now. "It's alright, I know you'll be a wonderful father, Arthur, and I gave you want you needed, when you needed it, just like I'll always do, I won't feel badly about it. But that doesn't mean it should continue."

"What if I want it to?" Arthur asked, standing up, now, as well, and stepped nearer Merlin. "I'm the king, Merlin, shouldn't I be making the rules here?"

"No," Merlin retorted, as he looked up, and Arthur grinned. "And don't think you can convince me otherwise, you are not that clever."

"I wasn't going to convince you with words..." he grabbed for Merlin's waist and Merlin took a step back, avoiding his hands.

"You're not that good at anything else, either."

Arthur let out a huff of laughter. "Bitter?"

"Very," Merlin retorted. "And now I'm going to leave, and you can keep your hands to yourself."

"Or...on my wife, if you would rather," Arthur shot back, with no smile, or humor, this time. And very much like a child, Merlin glared.

"Perfectly fine by me," he headed for the door, and looked back, only as he pulled it open. "That is where you are _supposed_ to have them anyway!"

It, however, was only days later, that the first official meeting at the round table took place, and whilst Arthur shot Merlin very dirty looks, as he held the thing, Merlin couldn't help but noticed Arthur's left side, where he had asked Merlin to sit, was also where The Queen sat now. And Arthur's words, _'that doesn't mean you don't have that seat within my heart,'_ played in Merlin's head over and over, and he just didn't understand, what did that mean? Wasn't he happy with Guinevere now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: There have been lots of debates/arguments about Arthur and his choice not to give Merlin a seat at the Round Table, if you follow Merlin fans and or have a Tumblr, you would probably know about what I am referring to. It gets quite nasty, a lot of ppl are rude to Arthur about it, and I am Pro!Arthur in this argument, I believe he did give Merlin a place in his heart, but due to Merlin's job title, could not in real life, and yes, he could have given Merlin another job title, but I don't believe Arthur, nor Merlin wanted another job title. Let me know your thoughts on the matter, and how you liked the chapter!)


	14. Chapter 14

A month had passed by since the first round table meeting, and a few more had come after, Arthur was happy with his kingdom, and maybe his marriage too, for all Merlin could tell. He tried to spend as little time with Arthur as possible, and when he did, Arthur at least respected him enough to not touch him, nor talk about it. Merlin was thankful for that. He just wanted things to go back to normal, and perhaps having a baby around would be nice, Merlin always liked kids, as long as he didn't have to change it...

He shook his head, with a small smile, just thinking about a baby with soft, rich skin like Gwen and bright blue eyes, just like her daddy. It made his heart feel a little warmer, as he picked up Arthur's clothes, and headed down to have them washed. He left them there, to have another servant wash them, and he would come back later to get them. In the meantime, he went to help Gaius. Who, sent him out to look for some plant that would help...stimulate something in Gwen, Merlin stopped paying attention once Gaius started making very odd hand gestures. On his way out of town, Gwaine, who was supposed to be patrolling the lower town, caught up with him.

"Where you off to, sir?" Gwaine asked, and Merlin rolled his eyes, continuing on. Gwaine followed. "I will have to look at your credentials if you would like to press on."

"That just sounds wrong..." Merlin said, and Gwaine laughed, and followed him all the way out into the forest. "You're like a dog," Merlin offered, as he began to look for the plant. "You follow people around, begging."

"I am here to be your knight in shinning armor, protect you from evil moss and..." Gwaine trailed off, plucking at leaves on a low hanging branch. "Nasty ogre men."

"Oh...my hero," Merlin retorted, bending down and pulling dried up herbs from the earth. "Honestly, I can take better care of myself than you could."

"I am a rough and wild man, I-"

" _You_...are talking complete shite, as usual" Merlin looked up, and pocketed the herbs, looking for more now. "Why can't you just be normal?" he asked. "Say; _'Good morning, Merlin, can I come with you, because I am bored and lonely?_ ' I would give you more attention that way."

"I like your attention..." Gwaine smiled, charmingly, not that that charm ever worked on Merlin, or at least not anymore. "Maybe I will next time...though, it's _so_ boring, being normal. How do you mange it?"

"I make do," Merlin shrugged, with a small smile. "Instead of getting my attention, you could be doing your job."

"Eh," Gwaine breathed. "Camelot is as safe as saying Leon will ever part with his curls, nothing doing there."

Merlin laughed. "I'm glad you're so confident."

They returned to Camelot as dusk set in, and Gwaine finally returned to his actual duties, and Merlin returned to Gaius, and held up his hand when Gaius tried to explain what these herbs would help, exactly.

"And will create a better, more enjoyable-"

"Please, no...just don't," Merlin shook his head, and headed toward the door again. He went to get The King and Queen's dinner and headed up to their chambers. They were both sitting at the table, already waiting, when Merlin walked in. He placed their plates on the table in front fo them and grabbed the wine.

"Where have you been?" Arthur asked, as he began eating. Merlin poured him a cup of wine.

"I was in the woods, being irritated by Gwaine," he said, even though he probably shouldn't give away that Gwaine hadn't been doing his job. "He thought he needed to protect me from moss. Apparently it was very evil."

Gwen laughed. "He's so odd, though... very sweet." Arthur didn't say anything, and just continued eating, therefore, Gwen continued talking. "Did Gaius say when he would have my tonic ready? We... ** _I_ ** need it for the night."

Merlin just simply refused to think about why. "He said he would bring it up within the hour."

"Oh, good," Gwen stopped eating, suddenly, and stood up. "I better get ready for bed."

Merlin looked down at the floor, and ran an uncomfortable hand in his hair. The urge to leave was strong, almost too strong, but he had to stay, to take away the food tray. He tapped his fingers on his sides, nervously.

"Why the hell were you with Gwaine?" Arthur suddenly asked, and Merlin was rather taken aback by that, and he just looked up, confused. "What the hell does evil moss look like?"

Merlin shrugged. "He was just kidding."

Arthur didn't look pleased with that answer, and he too pushed his food away. "I think that will be all." Merlin nodded and gathered the plates.

"I'll wait to...um..." he mumbled with the things in his hands, and his words. "To bring your clothes in the morning."

"Oh yes," Gwen came out from behind the blind and smiled at him, brightly. "That is a perfectly fine idea."

"Right..." Merlin nodded, and headed out of the door. He didn't even want to respond to the 'goodnight' Gwen threw his way, as he struggled to shut the door on his way out. He dropped off the dishes and headed back to Gaius' chambers, only to find them empty, the man must be delivering the...whatever it was, to The King and Queen right now and as much as Merlin wanted to be alright with this, the idea of it just made his stomach turn, he hated it...every single second of it. He couldn't just sit around there, and wait for him to come back, because as soon as Gaius was back...Merlin knew what they were doing.

"Why..?" he muttered to himself, feeling the tears well in his eyes. Why couldn't he just be alright with this? Why couldn't he just ignore it like he had been doing? He was doing so well. Things were becoming tolerable again. But no, here he was in tears, just because The King was taking The Queen to bed. He couldn't just sit there, he shook his head and jumped up, needing to do _something_ , to stop thinking about this. He fled the room.

He wound up in the washroom, where Arthur's clean clothes hung to dry. Well, they were completely dry now...and since Merlin had nothing better to do, he began to fold them. An hour went by and Merlin was nearly done, mind completely blank, he focused, slowly, on the task. Normally he could have this done in under twenty minutes. He supposed Arthur would just have to deal with extremely folded clothes. He heard someone come in behind him and he sighed, who could possibly be needing to wash at an hour like this? Merlin looked over his shoulder and jumped, seeing Arthur there.

"What are you-"

But he didn't have time to answer, because suddenly Arthur was walking toward him and shoving him over, into the pile of clothes, and landing on top of him. "I need you," he muttered, face pushing against Merlin's neck. Merlin just stayed there, right like that, and didn't move. "I can't stand this..."

"I don't understand.." Merlin answered, slowly, after a long moment. "Shouldn't you be impregnating your wife right now?"

"I hate it," Arthur whined, like a little boy and Merlin, reluctantly, reached up and petted his hair. "I'm tired of the constant sex, and her complaining, that I don't do it right, there _is_ only one way to do _it_...!"

"Not exactly," Merlin spoke, without really thinking. "There are actually several..."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Arthur pulled back and looked into Merlin's face. Merlin shrugged.

"Different positions, movements..."

"Shut the hell up?!" Merlin couldn't help but laugh a that. "It's not funny. I...I obviously don't know how to pleasure her properly, and she says that's why she isn't getting pregnant, because of me."

"Just because it doesn't feel good really doesn't make a difference with the baby making bit, as long as you..." Merlin muttered, suddenly realizing what they were saying, and his face turned red. "How about other partners, before Gwen? What did they say?"

"What do you mean before Gwen?" Arthur barked, looking more and more irritated as the moments ticked on. "She is my wife."

"I know, but the woman you took to your bed before you married her?"

"There was none..." Arthur's face began to turn red, much like Merlin's felt. Merlin, well...apart from feeing all sorts of embarrassed to be having this conversation, on piles of Arthur's clothes, in the night, well, he was also completely shocked.

"There wasn't anyone?" he asked, probably a little too loudly, if he didn't want any other visitors. "You were a virgin?"

"Yes," Arthur barked, in reply, again. "I was taught to give myself to my queen, and only my queen."

"Well, I guess we know why Uther told you that, now..." Merlin said. "But you actually listened?"

"Why is that so wrong?" Arthur asked, in a bark. Merlin shook his head. "So, I take it you are not then?"

Merlin laughed at that. Again, probably too loudly. "Oh, hell no..."

Arthur frowned. "Who have you slept with?"

"Loads of people," Merlin shrugged, and the frown on Arthur's lips only grew. "Well...not _loads_ , but a few."

"Men?"

Merlin nodded, "Mostly."

"Who?"

"Erm...I don't want to say," Merlin muttered, and obviously that was the wrong answer, because Arthur looked furious, suddenly. "Alright...alright...Gwaine."

"Gwaine?!" Arthur yelled, being load now, too, so Merlin didn't feel so bad. Well, at least not about they part, anyway. "When? Today...?"

"No...no," Merlin laughed at that. He and Gwaine had been together today, but they never did anything romantic, not anymore. "A few times..."

"More than once?" Arthur was completely outraged at this point and was struggling to get up. But Merlin didn't want that, not like this, and pulled him back down. "How many times?"

"Three or four," Merlin said, down playing it just a tiny bit. It had been more, but it hadn't meant much to either of them. "I get lonely, too, sometimes, Arthur."

"Was it after you and I-" Arthur began, but then stopped. "When was the last time?"

"Before we kissed, the first time," Merlin answered, and this time, truthfully. "I haven't been able to think of anyone else since."

"I wanted you to be mine..." Arthur muttered, looking away from Merlin, at the floor. He looked so very sad. "I suppose I was too late."

"Much, really, I wasn't even a virgin when I got here..."

Merlin _really_ wasn't helping himself at all, because Arthur growled and went silent, shoving his face back into Merlin's neck. And he knew he shouldn't feel bad for having these experiences, but the way Arthur was acting...he couldn't help but to feel bad. He wished he could have been Arthur's, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Arthur is a difficult character to write, or even understand at times, he was written poorly, but portrayed lovely by Bradley, he's very loveable even though his storyline was stupid. He is very needy and bossy and, oh...the list goes on. And sometimes I feel I write stories that bring out the worst in him, yet I enjoy that. Like this, wanting Merlin to save himself (in a sense) even though Arthur has no intentions of sleeping with him, (right now,) is not the best look, and I hope it comes across as me trying to stay true to their characters, rather than well...ooc-ness for the sake of another character. I feel like this is how Arthur would act, he would be irrationally upset and probably want to kill Gwaine. It's just the way he is, and Arthur by far is my favorite Character in the series. I just like to play with his personality, I don't want to make anyone dislike him more or less because of my story. I'm not sure where this came from...I just had a like moment when I proof read the end of this chapter, like wow...Arthur, you're a dick. And maybe he is. But no one is perfect.)


	15. Chapter 15

Hidden away in in a empty room, far away from prying eyes, wrapped up in old blankets, Merlin laughed as Arthur bit at his neck. The only light coming in the room, was from the window, where the moon light shined in and blanketed over Arthur perfectly. He was all shadows but his face, where Merlin could easily make out his eyes and smirky, pleased smile. Merlin could spend every night like this and be perfectly happy.

"Mm..." he mumbled, as Arthur left another mark on his neck, with his teeth. "You know, you might want to try this with _her_ , it would have to work."

"She hates when someone kisses her neck," Arthur answered, kissing his way up to Merlin's jaw. "She says it makes her uncomfortable."

Merlin frowned, but it was taken away quickly, by Arthur's lips. He pulled back after a moment, after kissing Arthur back, with as much pep as one man could. "She's too picky."

"You have no idea," Arthur explained. "Everything I do is wrong, I took your suggestions, but she refused to switch positions with me, she said that's an act of a whore."

Merlin laughed at that. "Well...alright then."

"The only time I actually did pleasure her, I was...I was thinking about you," Arthur said, quickly, and hid his face in Merlin's neck. "I hadn't even meant to do it. It just happened."

Merlin was too taken aback by Arthur's words to fully understand what he meant by that. "You were...thinking about me?"

"I was just thinking..." Arthur confessed. "At first it wasn't even sexual thoughts, honestly."

"At first?"

"Well...it became that way.." Arthur muttered, still bashfully. "I could hardly help it with what I was doing at the time..." Merlin couldn't help but to burst out in laughter, he had tried so hard not to, but it was too late now. "It's not funny, Merlin!"

"It's a bit funny..." Merlin retorted, petting Arthur's bare back. "And also kind of sad."

"It _is_ sad," Arthur agreed, Merlin was happy to know he wasn't angry with him for laughing. "Thank god your name starts with M, otherwise she would have known what I was doing..."

"As long as it works," Merlin said, frowning now, because what they had in Arthur's head, they could never make come true. Arthur would not let himself, and Merlin understood, he was proud of him for it, really. "Did you uh...like what we were doing?"

Arthur huffed, and licked the bite marks he had left earlier, on Merlin's neck. "I crave you." Merlin couldn't help the smile and the goose-flesh that formed at Arthur's words. Because he certainly did the same, all the time. Arthur laughed, kissing down Merlin's shoulder, and onto his bare chest. "I want to learn every inch of your body..."

"I already know yours..." Merlin muttered, hands running over Arthur's shoulders and back, once more. "Even the cute dimples on your backside."

Arthur pulled back, lips puffy from over-use and glared. "I do not have dimples on my backside!"

Merlin grinned, "You do and they're cute." Arthur continued to glare, as Merlin's hand traveled to said backside and patted it. "Come on, they're cute."

"Merlin!" Arthur whined, pouting now. "Shut up!"

"It's what you get for walking around naked in front of me," Merlin teased, leaning up, to kiss that pout off Arthur's mouth.

"Do you want me to stop walking around in front of you naked?" Arthur asked, between kisses.

"Never..."

They spent the night like that, kissing and touching, and dozing off in each other's arms. But it had to end sometime, Arthur had to return to his chambers before morning, and The Queen noticed he was gone. Merlin hated it to end, he couldn't help the hollow, sad feeling he felt, as he walked back toward Gaius' chambers, alone. The man was still awake, or had awoken early, when Merlin walked in.

"Where in the name of the gods, have you been, boy?" Gaius asked, over dramatic, and then glared, when he looked over Merlin's person. "...I needed to speak with you about something very important. But I see you had other things on your mind."

"I was..." Merlin muttered. Trying to think up a story. "I was in the woods."

"Right, of course..." Gaius rolled his eyes, clearly not believing him. But what could he really do about that? Merlin was a fully grown man, he could do what he wanted. "The Queen visited my chambers during the night." Merlin's eyes widened a little. "she was very upset..."

"Wah...why?" Merlin asked, with a gulp, and sat down at the table, across from his mentor.

"She can not conceive a child, Merlin," Gaius explained, like he was an idiot, but Merlin was too busy sighing in relief. He thought they had been caught for a moment. "And I don't understand it. The both of them are perfectly healthy, and capable of having children, she should be well into a pregnancy by now."

"But she's not..." Merlin said, and Gaius nodded. "But why?"

"I haven't the foggiest idea, Merlin, and that is what worries me," Gaius explained. "It isn't the same as with Arthur's mother. Ygraine was, although a normal woman, was without the means to conceive a child. She simply could not."

"But she did..." Merlin muttered, confused, and too tired to think straight right now. "With magic."

"Which leads me to the only possible thing it could be," Gaius continued. "It isn't Gwen, it's Arthur...he's cursed."

Merlin didn't like that idea at all. "Arthur isn't cursed!"

"It's the only thing that makes sense, Merlin!"

"He isn't cursed," Merlin argued. "He's perfectly fine! Maybe it's just...something else, maybe it _is_ Gwen...or they're just not doing things right..."

Gaius sighed, rolling his eyes at Merlin's words. "I certainly hope you're right, Merlin. I hardly wish for The King to be cursed myself."

"He isn't!" Merlin insisted, and then stomped his way up to his room. So much for being a fully grown man, he thought, but he just refused to believe Arthur was cursed, he just _refused!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: The next chapter will be the last chapter, and then I will start on the second part. Just a heads up. I'll give you more details in the next chapter though. Hope you liked it!)


	16. Chapter 16

The next morning Merlin woke with a headache, and way too late, breakfast had long since passed, and he hoped Arthur wouldn't be too mad, as he knew the reason Merlin was so late. Gaius wasn't in his chambers when Merlin walked down stairs, and he didn't have time to wait for him either. So he just headed toward Arthur's chambers. Arthur wasn't there when he arrived, but The Queen was, who tried to hide her tears, upon Merlin entering. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but didn't. She wouldn't tell him, she wasn't Arthur.

They didn't speak at first. Merlin only cleaned up the breakfast plates, someone else obviously brought to them, and began his normal service's to the room. Gwen just wept, quietly, by the window and Merlin sighed, looking over at her. He knew asking her would be a mistake, but he had to.

"What's the matter, My Lady?"

Gwen turned around, and acted as if she just noticed Merlin in the room. "Merlin..." she trailed off, probably trying to think of a lie, but failed to do so, and tears began to fall faster. "Months, almost half a year, we have been trying for a baby, and nothing!" Merlin figured that was the case. "What good am I to the kingdom if I cannot give it this simple a thing?"

"I don't think the kingdom really cares, I thought you were doing this for Arthur?" Merlin asked, but he supposed he could understand, her feeling it was her duty to give them an heir. And Merlin knew it was important, but the only heir he cared for had always been Arthur.

Gwen frowned, "Don't be silly, Arthur doesn't want this baby now. And he's a fool to think I haven't known that this whole time!"

"He wants to make you happy," Merlin retorted, because Arthur never said he didn't want a baby. And Merlin was sure he would have told Merlin, if he hadn't. Gwen let out a bark of laughter at that, bitterly.

"He's doing a horrible job of it," Gwen shook her head. "I thought this baby would change everything, it would save our marriage. It isn't me, Gaius said I am more than capable of baring a child. It's Arthur...he doesn't want this baby, and he isn't trying."

"He is trying," Merlin countered. "Very hard. It's neither of your faults."

Tears began to well in Gwen's eyes again, and Merlin rolled his, trying to be as patient as possible. "He's just so difficult, our marriage is crumbling at our feet, and...and there's nothing we can do about it!"

"You can keep trying?" he offered, and Gwen glared at him. "You could try some other way?"

"I'm not sure he even wants to try anymore..." Gwen huffed. "I just wish I could be pregnant, already, and then he would be forced to work it out with me."

"I don't think Arthur will end it, Gwen...I really don't," Merlin told her, seriously. Arthur didn't want to end their marriage, at least not seriously. "Yes, he says things when he's angry, but..."

"He doesn't even enjoy making love to me, how do you suppose we fix that?!" Gwen argued with him, shaking her head, again. "No...I just need to be pregnant, I need to...or else, look at what I'm giving up. I would bring shame to my family, to be queen, and lose it all because The King refuses to give me a child..."

"I think you're being a bit-"

"Merlin," Gwen cut him off. "I know this might sound crazy, and you can say no, but...perhaps you could do it."

"Do what?" Merlin was scared to find out.

"Impregnate me..." Yes, Merlin knew it was a mistake asking. This whole conversation was a mistake. "It isn't as crazy as it seems; we both have dark hair, and you have blue eyes, the baby would hopefully look more like me anyway, Arthur would never know..."

"Are you serious?" Merlin asked, in a bark. "I...I would never do that to Arthur! You want me to first, let you have my child, and have to pretend I am nothing more than a servant to it? And then, on top of that, you want to deceive Arthur and allow him to think it's his?" Merlin was about yelling now, and he really didn't like to do that. "Are you out of your mind? I can't believe you would even ask me that..."

"Merlin..." Gwen shouted back, voice in hysterics. "I'm desperate!"

"Desperate to stay queen?" Merlin asked, dangerously. "I can see it's not to keep Arthur. I can see that _very_ clearly."

"For both...Merlin, I-"

"No, I don't care anymore," Merlin held up his hand. "You've changed, Gwen, it's becoming more and more obvious, and not for the better..." Merlin headed for the door. "And you know something? I would rather make love to a troll, than to you."

And with that, he left the room. He was more in shock, than feeling actual anger, he couldn't believe she would ask him that. The Gwen he knew would never ask him such a thing. Being queen had changed Gwen, and the more time went on, the more Merlin realized he really didn't like this version of her. Though, there was nothing he could do about it. He headed out of Camelot, he needed time to think...and he needed to talk, he didn't really want to go to Gaius for this one, besides, the last time he had spoken to Gaius he nearly shouted at him, too.

It was night fall by the time Merlin got to where he was going, and that was perfect, for what he was about to do. He called out the dragon call, and waited, only moments, before The Great Dragon appeared.

"What is, Merlin?" he asked, in his tired, whining voice. "We haven't spoken in some time."

"No," Merlin shook his head. "I just...have a problem."

"Of course you do," The Dragon smiled. "Out with it."

"Arthur and Guinevere have been trying for a child for almost a half a year," Merlin explained, to a less than impressed looking dragon. "They cannot conceive and Gaius thinks...Arthur might be cursed."

"It is quite possible that this is true," The Dragon said. "Uther Pendragon made sure his empire would fall one day."

"Arthur's father cursed him?" Merlin asked, with shock in his voice. "But why would Uther do that?"

"Through no realization of his own," he explained. "However, I said Uther Pendragon...not his father."

"Huh?" Merlin asked now, he didn't know why he went to The Dragon for things, he never made any sense. "There's another Uther?"

"I think there is something you need to know, Young Warlock, and now, I suppose, is a good enough time to tell you," The Dragon said. "Uther Pendragon, though perhaps father to Arthur, in whatever way that might be, is not Arthur Pendragon's father." Merlin's complete and utter confusion made the creature continue. "He is the son of magic. Nimueh put a life where there could not otherwise be, Uther had nothing more to do with it, than being the one who asked for it to be done. Do you understand?"

"No..."

The Dragon shook his head. "Have you ever wondered why Arthur and his father never shared any likeness? He has light hair as his mother had, the witch-"

"Morgana."

"She, the true child of Uther, has dark hair, and if you have noticed, a few more likenesses, as well."

Merlin thought about this for a long moment, still confused, and very off topic from what he had originally came here for. "Uther was never Arthur's father?"

"Not by blood."

Merlin pondered this for a moment. "Then how did Uther curse Arthur? I assume he had no idea Arthur wasn't really his son?"

"I'm sure he did not, he was not smart enough to put the pieces together," The Dragon said. "Uther cursed Arthur by simply asking for him to be. Arthur was born fatherless, unnaturally, and in turn, can never father a child of his own."

Merlin sighed, troubled,"He can never find out about this, he would be heart broken."

"Arthur is a good man," The Dragon explained, which was the first time Merlin had heard Kilgharrah ever complement a Pendragon. "I can already see Albion's future coming to pass. He does not need an heir."

"I know," Merlin agreed, to both things, with a small smile. The Dragon smiled down at Merlin.

"...and you love him?"

"Yes."

"Many things have changed since the last time we spoke."

"You have no idea..."

Merlin headed back to Camelot, and upon arriving was told by Gaius that Arthur was looking for him. Which, made Merlin much too happy, than it really should. As he still might get a tongue-lashing for being late that morning, and then not doing the rest of his chores that day. He walked back out into the night air, onto the battlement and found Arthur standing there, looking out as his Kingdom. Merlin felt a sort of rush of love for the man wash over him, as he walked nearer. It could be from the insane conversation he had with the other's wife, or perhaps the conversation with The Dragon. Or maybe just a mix of everything. But either way, Merlin's heart fluttered.

He came up behind Arthur and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Arthur's hands came up and rubbed his arms. "Where have you been?"

"Looking for you," Merlin lied, just a little bit, but it sounded more romantic this way. Arthur laughed.

"And I was looking for you."

"Quite the predicament we found ourselves..." Merlin trailed off, about to move away, so no one could see them, but Arthur stopped him. So, he stayed, and laid his head down on Arthur's shoulder.

"I don't like going a whole day without seeing you," Arthur told him, as they both looked out at the kingdom below. "Don't let it happen again."

"Did you miss me?" Merlin teased.

"No..." Arthur trailed off, but he was obviously lying and began laughing at himself, right along with Merlin. "I told Gwen I don't want to keep trying for a baby," Arthur then said, after a moment, and things became serious again.

"What did she say?"

"She understood, she said we can try again in the future," Arthur explained, and tilted his head, so he could look at Merlin. "I'm glad she took it so well, I was worried she would be angry with me."

"Do you think you will try for a baby again, at some point?"

"I don't know..." Arthur trailed off, looking out again, at the town. "Perhaps, but for now I have other things on my mind."

"Like what?"

Arthur shrugged, with a smirk, like he always did when he was being an ass. "You." Merlin laughed and leaned in to kiss Arthur's cheek. "And the kingdom. It's only just began, Merlin...Some day, this kingdom will be glorious, everyone will be happy and heathy, no crime, no killing. No wars..."

Merlin smiled at him, a very proud smile, he couldn't help it. "That would be lovely."

"It will be," Arthur said, looking back at Merlin once more and grinned. "Why are you smiling at me, you idiot?"

"I just..." Merlin shrugged. "I adore you, is all."

Arthur's grin grew, and he took the hand Merlin had over his chest, in his own, leaning in closer, for a proper kiss. "And I you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: A lot of things happened in this chapter, a lot of things that far shadow the next story, and things most of you guys already guessed! And then, of course, a cheesy ending between my boys. Because I am Merthur trash. Anyway, the next part, part 2 will be called Give Me Love, so look forward to that coming soon! But it will probably be a few days, as I am having computer issues. Thanks everyone for reading and such! And of course give me your thoughts!)

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N: So, there is this, I realize it's pretty sort, but I figured it would be a lot of chapters And it seems to me, that I tend to write a lot of modern stories in Arthur's pov and a lot of canon stories in Merlin's, I just thought that was odd...hopefully you like this. Let me know! Also, the story title and the song lyrics are from The Killers Mr. Brightside. I thought it was fitting.)


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